Ever since Roger Goddell took over the NFL, being a no-fun nerdlinger has become contagious and it’s spreading. First, fans had to endure the pain that was Adam Archulta’s nerd-gate. Now, we find out that football players have become...

‘Golden girl boy’ Oscar De La Hoya, (it’s just too easy now) recently disclosed plans to fight a whopping three times next year. Ironically, the news comes less than a week after his lawyers brought out their gloves, contesting...

Inter Milan striker, Adriano, confessed to using that old Nyquil remedy to help himself catch some z’s. His time in Inter last year saw the Brazilian star drop out of the sky like a shit rocket out of a...

We fear Australia. Ever since watching Mad Max, we figured it was a wasteland of roving gangs wearing S&M gear driving around in pig-feces fueled cars. It’s only a movie, you say? It’s not real? Tell that to sportscaster...

The latest word from the PGA is that they are ready to battle that devourer of integrity, (no, not polysester pants): steroids. The PGA joined the ranks of “responsible sports” by announcing they would initiate a drug policy for...

While some at MachoChip HQ cheered yesterday’s release of racy Oscar De La Hoya pictures, others silently dropped tears onto their copies of his self-titled debut album (which is on us at all times). We kept looking at the...

If we thought the shit-talking sound bytes were good before, they are sure to only get better now. Chelsea FC coach Jose Mourinho axed himself a few hours ago from his position as manager after Chelsea could only muster...

Giovani Dos Santos became the youngest Mexican player to swap ankle kicks with the world’s most spoiled players this week when he made his UEFA debut in Europe. Gio set up Thierry Henry’s late game strike against Lyon and...

Marc Ecko’s A-B-C method of deciding what to do with Barry Bonds’ 756 ball has finally drawn the comments from the hitter. The normally—albeit by design—private Bonds went off on the Rhino designer. “He’s stupid. He’s an idiot,” Bonds...

Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov bought an even bigger chunk of English Premier League team Arsenal, and that kind of spending is not sitting well with UEFA head Michel Platini. He’s gotten so mad over the rise of money as...

The Phoenix, an A-league franchise soccer team in New Zealand, are banking on the Beckham panty-dropper factor to sell some tickets in December for a scheduled match against the Los Angeles Galaxy. Their owner of the team has transcribed...

Bonds homerun ball was auctioned off this weekend and that rhinoceros labeled clothing line, Ecko, bought it. Whats next? The CEO, that prankster Marc Ecko, has decided that he’s leaving it up to millions of haters to decide what...

We apologize for the tardiness on this story, but it just came to our attention that the Argentine-swine, Diego Maradona, scurried along to Columbia in August to reduce his paunch chin and get some cosmetic dental surgery. Doctors in...

In the greatest baseball-writing mishap since someone wrote fuck face on the bottom of Billy Ripkin’s bat, Yankee outfielder Shelly Duncan signed an autograph “Red Sox Suck!”—to a 10-year-old boy. Duncan was surprised to learn that [10-year-old Griffin] Whitman...

It isn’t the brightest of ideas when coaches decide their old decrepit bodies can handle a fist fight with a youngster. Usually coaches take the Dazed and Confused approach to fighting: throw a punch and hope others will come...

We’re attracted to sexy woman. However, what if a woman could readjust your nose with a flurry of Muay Thai kicks and elbows? Would you be scared? Intimidated? Or would you embrace it like the beauty of finding a...

We could barely extract a decent photo of Freddy Rincon—the ex Columbian soccer star turned angel dust fairy—but we still think you want to know about this. Rincon was recently arrested for apparently laundering some cash for his childhood...

In his version of “this one time, at band camp,” 2006’s footballer of the year Cristiano Ronaldo admits he almost quit soccer when he was younger because kids kept on making fun of his backwoods Portuguese accent. Cue the...

There have been a lot of opinions about what punishment Bill Belichick should receive for Pats-gate. But what Mike DeCourcy over at the Sporting News has suggested could be the biggest blow to the NFL. He says that the...

Faced with the possibility that this year’s Women’s World Cup will fail to capture audiences like its 1999 iteration did, an article we came across rationalizes ‘til its blue in the face. (We already consider such failure a certainty,...

From steroid users to coaches sending spies to steal signs from opposing teams, we’ve been inundated with stories of cheaters getting caught with their pants around their ankles. The latest saga takes us to Italy where Formula-One racing group,...

Sports rivalries should occur organically: the Red Sox/Yankees, Real Madrid/FC Barcelona, and the US/Mexico (sports, border-hopping, pharmaceuticals, etc) have all paid their due. We enjoy an age-old slug fest as much as anyone, (because we know pavilion fights between...

Wrestling’s been getting a bad rap lately, and for good reason—a lot of wrestlers are dying and getting into trouble. You know what else has been getting a bad rap lately? Mortgages. People can’t pay them off and getting...

We always thought that putting a baseball team in Miami was just a bad idea. Braving the humidity and giant flying cockroaches for three hours doesn’t sound too appealing to us. It turns out that Miamians feel the same...

There’s been a general consensus in the world that Americans like to overstay their welcome (even when they weren’t invited in the first place). And nowhere is that more apropos than the situation we’re dealing with in… Puerto Rico?...

The Irish administration is reeling after a fan uploaded a 6-minute video of himself sneaking into the Georgia Tech game of week one by sporting Catholic priest garb. (We tried that ruse as the tiger handler for an LSU...

Its the finest move in a grudge match: punch a distracted target and take off running like a schoolgirl being chased around the playground by the fat bully. Machochip wasn’t around eight months ago to report on Valencia’s David...

Professional wrestling has taught us that big breasted body-slammers are exactly what we’re looking for. Recently disowned ECW goth-barbie Shelley Martinez, is trying to make a professional comeback. The pro-wrestler, known to adoring fans as ‘Ariel the tarot reading...

Belligerent college students are part of the vast empire that is college sports and if we can’t have drunk frat boys screaming bloody murder towards an opposing team, then what the hell is the point? During this weekends Rutgers...

How many sex scenes can you fit in a 15-minute window? We only ask because a porn channel in Italy (where else?) bought the rights to air Serie A team Fiorentina’s UEFA Cup first round match. We think the...

Some putz named Kevin Reynolds admitted today that he punched legendary coach Sir Alex Ferguson in the gonads for reasons only a drunk would really understand. The court was told today that Reynolds then said: “I’m sorry Fergie. I...

The White Sox and manager Ozzie Guillen have agreed to a contract extension through 2012, which ain’t half bad for a guy who basically begged for the ax after coaching a team that’s tied for dead last in the...

Bill Belichick has dipped his ego-filled balls into a cauldron of suspicion after it was reported that he sent a spy to steal signs from the New York Jets this weekend. You would think that a star-studded lineup would...

How painful is it to find out you got the snub from a hypocritical lunatic like Ramon Calderon? The president of Real Madrid let Sevilla starlit Dani Alves know there was no room for his faux-hawk on the club....

Keeping The Coverage In Check Our Machochip dad is a vato from the streets, so he never gave us the ‘never kick a man while he’s down’ speech. Over the last few months, The Los Angeles Galaxy have demonstrated...

It’s a real shame that Pacman Jones isn’t spending his suspension from the NFL in a monastery, reflecting on his past transgressions. Instead, he’s been wrestling for TNA Wrestling and winning tag team titles. The Pacman and Ron “The...

Sometimes we just want to rant at your expense. So let’s just make this simple: there is hardly anything Alex Rodriguez can do at this point that will make even the most fickle of Bronx fans shun him from...

Chivas de Guadalajara owner Jose Vergara wants to be the next big soccer tycoon. The owner of all things goat already instilled Chivas fever in Southern California, (but how hard is it to get a Mexican team to do...

Hate to bring up the dark and (ob)noxious cloud of juicing in baseball, but this is just too sweet to ignore: crack reporters at the New York Daily News have dug up dirt saying that St. Louis Cardinal wonderboy...

Two gyms in Queens, New York were definitely pumping out more than yoga mats and extra towels in their sports shop. If you needed a quick pick me up in the form of angel dust, or wanted to drop...

Diego Maradona and his carnies have agreed to relive the infamous 1978 “Hand of God” quarterfinal match by promoting a friendly match between the original Argentina vs. England starting line-ups: a line-up that includes the bushel-haired psycho Maradona. On...

The dance-offs in high school were mostly boring affairs in the parking lot between two skinny guys jumping around to the beats coming out of a dropped Corolla. They would not have been dull, however, if they involved a...

British sports mag FourFourTwo conducted an interview with the Ronaldinho and asked him who his top five favorite players in the world were. Ronaldinho named Manchester United star Cristian Ronaldo and AC Milan star and national side teammate Kaká....

David Beckham unveiled that a possible rendezvous in England this January wasn’t out of the question. It only took four weeks, two injuries, and the most wretched team in soccer to knock some sense into the faux-hawk that was...

There was some serious high-flying action in Tokyo this weekend because of some badass Mexican vatos and their promoters. Lucha Libre invaded sumo-nation Japan to jump start a world tour that will leave spectators drunken with entertainment. Some of...

Cristiano Ronaldo and newly acquired Manchester United player Anderson were caught with five hookers from Leeds. Leeds? We’ve never understood athletes paying for sex. What’s the point of being a professional athlete if you can’t get any tail? If...

Giovani dos Santos knows a thing or two about slanging his skills. Mexican national team coach Hugo Sanchez has called up the sensation to debut this weekend and give Virgen de Guadalupe worshiping men another idol to drink to....

The New York Times wrote today of A-Rod being reunited with his older brother after 23 years. After reading it, we now know that his sociopathy is a result of genetics, and not his Miami upbringing. That’s because his...