Fútbol star Cristiano Ronaldo has told The Sun that there’s a 99.9% chance that his Manchester United squad will capture the Premier and Champions League titles. We can’t wait for part two of the interview where he reveals he sent a turd sandwich to the headquarters of Arsenal, Real Madrid and Roma.

“I believe we’ll win the Premier League and Champions League this season… We have the team, we have the players and we believe we can do it. There’s a good chance we will.”

What’s this “good chance we will” shite? Dude, you’re Ronaldo, Footballer of the Year. If you keep this meek shit up, you’ll never get a girlfriend.

Ronaldo eyeing United double [FOX Sports]