Whas Happened In Sports Last Night

• Mexican Soccer League: If soccer club Veracruz was a boxer, this would be the time to retire before brain damage. UNAM Pumas thump Veracruz 8-0. [El Universal]
• NFL: A note to Boston sports fans: soak it all up before a bruja unleashes another curse. New England Patriots 24, Indianapolis Colts 20. [NYTimes]
• Spain’s La Liga: Oh shit, he’s back. Ronaldinho scored two goals to help FC Barcelona beat Real Betis 3-0. [CNN]
• MLS: If only Major League Soccer’s playoffs made any sense, then the top seeded teams would actually be competing for something. Chivas USA stutter to a 0-0 draw with Kansas City. So long L.A. [Los Angeles Daily News]
• Spain’s La Liga: Did we already mention Barcelona won? Because Real Madrid suffered a humiliating 2-0 defeat by a Sevilla team that is prone to playing like they are in the middle of a siesta. [ABC.es]
• England’s Premier League: The thunderous build-up to Arsenal vs. Manchester United was the equivalent to an above par burp. Final score: 2-2. [The Independent]