Nobody suspected anything when German Tommy Haas had to sit out a semi-final Davis-Cup match against Russia because he was crapping his lights out. He was diagnosed with gastro-enteritis and was pooping himself silly. He was replaced on his team by Philipp Petzschner and Germany ended up losing to a Russia by diarrhea default. Then, another of Haas’ teammates, Alexander Waske, disclosed some “Spy Game” sort of info for reporters.

“I spoke with a Russian from Moscow at the Davis Cup,” said Waske. “He said completely casually that Haas had been poisoned.”

And then the Russian said, “I will break you…” [Ed. Note: Yeah, we love Rocky] But what did Haas’ think about the allegations he’d been poisoned?

“I was shocked when Alex told me this but when I thought back about how bad I felt at the time I can imagine it’s possible. “I sat - or better laid - six hours on the toilet. I have never felt so miserable in my life - I was really scared.”

Sounds like a morning after a long night of absinthe drinking in Spain. Oh, vodka! Case closed.

Haas Moscow poison claims probed [BBC]
Image [ABC]