We at MachoChip don’t root for anyone. That would go against everything we stand for. That said, we really hope the New York Giants beat the New England Patriots this weekend, preventing them from a perfect season. Hey, we’re in the blogging business, not the greeting card business. Send your happy stories elsewhere.

We were very happy to learn that Giants coach Tom Coughlin wouldn’t be sitting any of his starters during the season ender, but not because of the Pats. No, it’s because he feels that his team needs to finish the regular season on a high note. Well, what would be better than finishing the season as the team that ruins perfection and makes Randy Moss’ 2007 Patriots team no better than his 1998 Minnesota Vikings team that also went 15-1? So it’s time for us to put on our Tom Coughlin mask (we just squint and act pissed off all the time) and try to figure out what eleven teams haven’t this year: how to beat the Pats.

• Run the ball This is a perfect match-up because the Giants have one great back. Actually, there’s two—Brandon Jacobs and rookie Ahmad Bradshaw—but they’re so brittle that we should only count them as one because neither can singularly be classified as a consistent threat. Much has been made about the Pat’s “weakness” defending the run, but they rank 10th in the league. It’s not like they’re the Raiders whose every attempted run stop looks like a Three Stooges bit gone awry. But if you’re going to beat the Pats offensively, it’s going to be that way—it’s like the pipe down the Death Star. Because, let’s face it, Eli Manning’s no Luke Skywalker.
• Don’t pass the ball Eli Manning has, um, regressed over the course of the year. He’s gotten so good at throwing momentum-killing picks that every time he leads them down the field, the defense starts suiting up to go back out there. On the other side, the Patriots like to defend the ball and have Assante Samuel back there to Hoover up every errant Manning throw, which recently, has been every Manning throw. Keep it on the ground, guys.
• Take away the deep ball, so please God don’t play man-to-man The Pats like to throw two types of passes—15-yard slants to Wes Welker that go to the house, or long bombs to Randy Moss or Donte Stallworth that go to the house. Their running game is not exactly clicking, so it’s not “out there” to say that this is what you have to stop. But how? The Giants have always been about their upfront defense. Defending the long ball has never been their forte. So, it’s up to cornerbacks Sam Madison and Aaron Ross to shut down Moss and Stallworth, obviously, but more importantly it’s strong safety James Butler and linebacker Kawika Mitchell clogging up the middle that’s going to be the key. Take away Welker catching slants, and you have a chance.
• Hit Tom Brady in his model/actress-kissing mouth As we saw in the Ravens game, Tom Brady doesn’t like getting hit. Unfortunately for him, the Giants employ two of the best defensive ends in the game, Osi Umenyiora and Michael Strahan. If they have the game they’re capable of having and keep knocking Brady down, and Welker is taken away, it will frustrate them into maybe making a mistake. Maybe.
• Make people from New York and New Jersey yell This shouldn’t be too hard-unless the Pats open up a two-touchdown lead. NY/NJ fans are incredibly hot and cold, but they have to keep the noise up and add another level of frustration for Brady, even if he seems prone to score again. It almost worked for NFC-East foe Dallas at Texas Stadium, it might work again in the howling winds of the Meadowlands.

These points might sound obvious, but the fact is that the Giants have to the tools to exploit the Patriots’ weaknesses. The Colts, Eagles and even the lowly Ravens were all in the game until the very end, so we know that they’re beatable. We really it can happen because, let’s face it, we all would like to wake up Monday morning with a story about a sad and rampaging Tom Brady trashing bars in New York City.

Tom Coughlin: I will work Giants hard [NY Daily News]
Image [MSNBC]