ThursdayDecember132007

Some Baseball Players Are In Deep Ca-Ca

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At 2 o’clock today, Former Senator George Mitchell’s going to be releasing his list of Major League Baseball players he found to be guilty of buying steroids. The “Mitchell Report” was funded by MLB to find out who was on the cream, the clear, the anabolic and the HGH. Names have already started to leak out, big ones too. The New York Times is reporting that Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte are on the list, and Deadspin has posted a list of names that are supposedly on the list, culled from an email that has been swirling around the internets (Hey, where’s our copy? Send it to tips[at]machochip[dot]com). Some of the biggie names included there are Albert Pujols, Johnny Damon, Nomar Garciaparra and the recently traded Miguel Tejada.

We will keep you updated once the list is released at two. See ‘ya then.

Update 1: Here’s the complete list circulating after the jump
Update 2: The Report’s out
Update 3: The Real Full List

Update 1: Brady Anderson, Manny Alexander, Rick Ankiel, Jeff Bagwell, Barry Bonds, Aaron Boone, Rafael Bettancourt, Bret Boone, Milton Bradley, David Bell, Dante Bichette, Albert Belle, Paul Byrd, Wil Cordero, Ken Caminiti, Mike Cameron, Ramon Castro, Jose and Ozzie Canseco, Roger Clemens, Paxton Crawford, Wilson Delgado, Lenny Dykstra, Johnny Damon, Carl Everett, Kyle Farnsworth, Ryan Franklin, Troy Glaus, Rich Garces, Jason Grimsley, Troy Glaus, Juan Gonzalez, Eric Gagne, Nomar Garciaparra, Jason Giambi, Jeremy Giambi, Jose Guillen, Jay Gibbons, Juan Gonzalez, Clay Hensley, Jerry Hairston, Felix Heredia, Jr., Darren Holmes, Wally Joyner, Darryl Kile, Matt Lawton, Raul Mondesi, Mark McGwire, Guillermo Mota, Robert Machado, Damian Moss, Abraham Nunez, Trot Nixon, Jose Offerman, Andy Pettitte, Mark Prior, Neifi Perez, Rafael Palmiero, Albert Pujols, Brian Roberts, Juan Rincon, John Rocker, Pudge Rodriguez, Sammy Sosa, Scott Schoenweiis, David Segui, Alex Sanchez, Gary Sheffield, Miguel Tejada, Julian Tavarez, Fernando Tatis, Mo Vaughn, Jason Varitek, Ismael Valdes, Matt Williams, Kerry Wood.

Update 2: Well, the report was released and what did we learn: that most of the above list was hooey. No Pujols, But there are names not mentioned that are sort of big: David Justice, Benito Santiago, Paul Lo Duca. Lo Duca also A) copped for Gagne, B) bounced a check for his roids and C) wrote a thank you note to his dealer on Dodgers stationary.

Update 3: Lenny Dykstra, David Segui, Larry Bigbie, Brian Roberts, Jack Cust, Tim Laker, Josias Manzanillo, Todd Hundley, Mark Carreon, Hal Morris, Matt Franco, Rondell White, Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Chuck Knoblauch, Jason Grimsley, Gregg Zaun, David Justice, F.P. Santangelo, Glenallen Hill, Mo Vaughn, Denny Neagle, Ron Villone, Ryan Franklin, Chris Donnels, Todd Williams, Phil Hiatt, Todd Pratt, Kevin Young, Mike Lansing, Cody McKay, Kent Mercker, Adam Piatt, Miguel Tejada, Jason Christiansen, Mike Stanton, Stephen Randolph, Jerry Hairston, Paul Lo Duca, Adam Riggs, Bart Miadich, Fernando Vina, Kevin Brown, Eric Gagne, Mike Bell, Matt Herges, Gary Bennett, Jr., Jim Parque, Brendan Donnelly, Chad Allen, Jeff Williams, Howie Clark, Nook Logan

As Baseball Braces for Report, Pettitte and Clemens Cited [NY Times]
Is This The List Of Players Mentioned? [Deadspin]
Image [ESPN]

Comments

Is Kirk Gibson on the list?

George Mitchell’s staring into my soul in that pic, and he’s asking it if I took steroids!

Does my asthma medicine count? I don’t have asthma.

All these players are becoming naturally bald, it was the HAIR MEDICINE. MERCIE!

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