We know a thing or two about Los Angeles. So nothing pleased us more about Andruw Jones recent Blue-Crew transfer than picking out those places that will probably lead him to scandal, infamy and a future benching. We can already imagine a night with future best friend Snoop Dogg getting him into hot water with grandpa Jeff Kent. When it happens, remember you heard it here first before TMZ takes all the credit. The immediate red flags are Malibu, Beverly Hills, and any party, event, or cat walk that Paris Hilton is a part of. Seriously, Andruw, just stay away man. What else should he steer clear from?

• Bacon-wrapped hot dogs (a.k.a. “TJ” dogs): These artery-busters aren’t “like” crack, they are crack. Though savory and drunktastically phenomenal, the fact that you’ll be paying for it the next morning is a sign that a Hollywood night out for Jones could mean dugout disaster the next day.
• Old Town Pasadena: We once strolled through this douchebaggery hell-hole and saw former Dodger Alex Cora sipping coffee at the Starbuck’s. He was traded the following week.
• The Legendary Shortstop bar: They offer $1.50 Pabst before Dodger home games and we once saw former Dodger Eric Davis guzzling a few half-dozen before a home game. Yeah he was already retired, but we bet he did it when he was playing, too. That’s a fact!
• Anything between La Brea Ave. and Doheny Dr.: Andruw Jones will probably love the spotlight. He’s a prima donna waiting to explode. So when he comes across the first sizzles of paparazzi flashes, he’ll be hooked like Tommy Lasorda on Slim Fast.
• Los Angeles transients: Anyone that delivers the details of their profession with an overture consisting of “aspiring” should be treated like the plague. Dodger legend Steve Garvey never followed this rule and wound up with two wives, two mistresses and a bunch of kids.

  We hope this helps with your transition Andruw, but be forewarned that you’re probably going to suck once you throw on the blue threads. Your groin muscle feeling alright? It won’t in five months.

  Jones’ signing bolsters Dodgers lineup [FoxSports]
  Image [ABC]