It should come as no surprise to anyone that a small Brazilian town has no idea who the heck New England Patriots’ QB Tom Brady is. Pele, Ronaldo, Rivaldo, Cafu, Ronaldinho, etc are the only “football” names worth remembering. But it’s not everyday that a star American football player is dating the town’s hottest asset. Gisele Bundchen’s lineage stretches to Germany, but the majority of her family, including her father, uncle and grandfather all reside in the quaint town of Horizontina, Brazil. We have no idea where the hell that is. A cyclical world. Cool. Anyway, Tom Brady’s inclusion in Gisele’s life has been a gateway—for some of her family, and inhabitants of the town—into the carnage that is American football. Thomas Milz over at ESPN reports:

I ask the man at the hotel front desk, the taxi drivers and the girls at the local supermarket — nobody has ever heard Tom Brady’s name, but some know Gisele’s boyfriend is a famous U.S. sportsman. That’s all. “Last week, one local guy joined the Americans who were watching football in my restaurant,” says Hassan “Hamdi” Juma, who owns a small diner called “Chopp Stiefel,” located next to the town hall. “I asked him, ‘Why are you watching it? You don’t understand anything about it. … He said, ‘Right, but I like the players (in white uniforms).’”

Hey, just like our mom says every time we attend a baseball game. [Ed. Note: Mama LOVED Steve Sax, but had no idea what he did.]. Valdir Bundchen, Gisele’s father, is a little more in tune.

“Because of Tom, we started watching football, without understanding a lot,” Valdir says. “I watched it with my father. But in the end, we desperately tried to find out what the final score was.” Valdir says he understands what Brady’s quarterback function is — but that’s all. “I imagine that the team has various coaches and different teams, one for defense, one for attack. And when they attack, Tom is on, and when they are in the defense, he goes out. They must have more than 20 players.”

Did he just break the freakin’ Matrix of football? Don’t ruffle those feathers yet, fanaticos. Football is way more complicated than that. Just ask Lillico. He’s a Dj at Radio Cruz (we take it the radio station is in Horizontina).

A passionate soccer fan, Lillico doesn’t understand football. “Everybody knocks down everybody, but nobody knows why.”

Because Lillico, they wear shoulder pads and helmets and it would all go to waste if there was just kicking and throwing. Oh, and because it’s awesome to watch grown men pummel the living daylights out of each other! Duh!

So, what does Gisele’s dad think of Tom? [ESPN Page 2]
Image [ESPN]