News from the trash bin: Newcastle head coach Kevin Keegan has commenced his reconquest of “Toon Town” by joining hand-in-hand with fat owner Mike Ashley in everything stupid and absurd. There’s news from across the Atlantic that the Newcastle boss, along with Keegan, are hatching a scheme to try and lure David Beckham into signing a lucrative deal that would steer him away from the his current obligations.

The shrewd Toon supremo knows that the former England skipper would sell shirts by the thousand at his club and also make them a world-wide brand […] Newcastle’s shirts are made by adidas and Beckham is the face of the brand, so it would be a commercial masterstroke as well as a sound deal for footballing reasons.

And because he’s a quality, world-class athlete, right? Who are we kidding? Those Beckham Herbalife threads are the only reason he’s still in Tinseltown. That and because Snoop Dogg can’t live without em’.

Keegan’s first big Toon target: David Beckham [Daily Mail]
Image [Daily Mail]