We usually scan hundreds of articles a day looking for those stories we think Machochip readers would love. We identify keywords (or find boobs) and post away. So when we came across “steak knife, grabbed by throat, setting off fire alarms” during our scan of a Paul Gascoigne story, we knew we had a winner. apparently the former Newcastle player, whom we hardly recall ever knowing of before this, went Russell Crowe/Latrell Sprewell on some bellman at the Newcastle Hotel.

Police were called after the former Newcastle and Tottenham midfielder grabbed a night porter by the throat while carrying a steak knife. The 40-year-old who has battled alcohol addiction was recuperating after a hip operation at the five-star Newcastle hotel.

The night porter doesn’t want to press any charges on the psycho, which we think is wise considering Gascoigne will probably give him a hefty tip for not being a snitch. The fiasco didn’t end there.

“He had allegedly set the fire alarms off at 3am at a break glass point, and when offered assistance with evacuation (he is classed as a disabled guest following surgery) he became aggressive…”

Actually, maybe this sort of vulgar representation of aggression is what England needs to progress in soccer. He’s already got 57 caps with the squad. And he’s 40. That translates into experience. Sign this guy up, Capello!

Gazza ‘sectioned’ after rampage at Newcastle hotel [Daily Mail]
Image [Daily Mail]