It’s no secret that the Florida Marlins have a little trouble bringing in the fans. But when they announced that they’d be starting a cheering squad made up of chunky but funky male dancers, we thought it was fun but no way to raise attendance. Apparently, we’re not Marlins’ marketing department material because instead of keeping fan favorites like Miguel Cabrera around rather than trading them for cents on the dollar—you know, like most teams—the team has decided the way to create a sold fan base is to have fat guys dance on top of the dugouts.

The Marlins are hoping the squad — which is named after endangered marine mammals that resemble pale walruses without tusks — will bring fans into the park. Despite two World Series championships in its 15-year existence, the National League East team had the lowest average game attendance in the majors last year, fewer than 17,000.

The idea was to connect with fans who are most comfortable watching baseball on a couch near a beer cooler. So when Marlins marketing executives posted a notice on the team website and held tryouts, there were no upper or lower limits on weight.

The chosen Manatees tip the scales at 225 to 435 pounds.

Yeah, but after the novelty of watching the wrong things jiggling on men wears off, what chance do they have against cute girls in cut-off shorts shooting t-shirts out of hand cannons?

Florida Marlins bring on a heavy-hitting cheerleading squad [LA Times]
Image [LA Times]