UPDATE: We’re numb nuts. Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo aren’t even starting. But Carlos Tevez and Ryan Giggs should still make it exciting, meaning Roma totally has a chance to upset now!

We’re not entirely sure how the sequence of events between AS Roma and Manchester United will unfold tonight, but it may go something like: Cristiano Ronaldo scores goal; Wayne Rooney passes to Carlos Tevez to score; Wayne Rooney finds Cristiano Ronaldo open, who then passes to Carlos Tevez, who then passes to…Nani and scores. Cicinho is left on the sidelines vomiting. We haven’t drank enough today to conjure up how FC Barcelona V Schalke 04 will unfold, so we’ll just guess that Frank Rijkaard will play the exact same formation that excluded Ronaldinho, Lionel Messi and tot Deco.

Manchester United V AS Roma: Old Trafford: 1445EST

• Cristiano Ronaldo’s 37 goals in all competitions is the talk of the soccer town at the moment. And if there’s anything that people want to see today, it’s Ronaldo taking another step (or two, or three) to 40 goals. We imagine hitting that many goals is the equivelant to a baseball player having 69 HR with a month to go in the season; a NFL QB achieving 48 touchdowns with 3 weeks to go; or Tiger Woods shooting a 30 on the back nine.

  Manchester United will be without key defenders Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic,a s well as substitute striker Louis Saha, but it shouldn’t matter. It’s Old Trafford. Manchester United are up 2-0. Let’s just sit back and watch Wayne Rooney and Ronaldo score.

  Predicition: Manchester 3, AS Roma 1.

FC Barcelona V Schalke 04: Nou Camp: 1445EST

We’re not calling this one over by a longshot. Schalke 04 are down 1-0 on aggregate, but they only need one goal to tie and two goals to upset the 2005 champs. The German club will be without Heiko Westermann (ankle), Christian Pander (groin) and Mladen Krstajic (knee), but since when does that have to do anything with an underdog beating the favorites? Monumental challenges call for tremendous obstacles; and it’s the Germans shot to stir up a lot of controversy in Barcelona. (Just imagine the headlines if Barca loses: “Basta Rijkaard!”, or something of the like.)

Barcelona, on the other hand, will be without Ronaldinho, Messi and Deco, but they’ll have Thierry Henry, Iniesta and Borjan Krkic attacking. That’s enough to scare any defense. We called Fenerbahce upset yesterday like morons…but we’re going with the underdog again!

Prediction: FC Barcelona 1, Schalke 04…2!

Stage set for Wayne Rooney to play lead role [Telegraph]
Barcelona steeled for Schalke onslaught [UEFA]
Henry set to start as Barca look to book semi-final place [Daily Mail]
Image [Getty]