He’s totally distracted. The game’s currently in the 63rd minute and Lionel Messi was subbed out for Bojan KrKic. Get to a television, quick! Updates after the jump.

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65: Wayne Rooney looks perplexed. “Why the fuck is Carlos Tevez losing the ball all the time? God I hate that guy.”

66: Bojan is the Serbian/Spanish Messi.

67: It’s so beautiful when soccer players pirouette after a strong tackle. You think they teach that?

68: Nooooooouuuu Caaaaaaaammmmmp.

69: Rooney’s been pushed out to the far left and Manchester United is controlling.

69: Manchester just gave the ball away on a 30 yard pass.

70: Cristiano Ronaldo is leveled, but there’s no call! Did he just ask the ref why his gal is naked on Machochip?

71: Andres Iniesta dives in the box, but there’s no call. Guy behind me just burped.

72: Owen Hargraves (that’s probably wrong) receives a yellow card. Nobody seems to care except me.

73: Carlos Tevez has been playing a lot of defense. Manchester United break away towards the right and…lose the ball in the middle.

74: Barcelona now pressing, but they cross and give the ball away. Goalkeeper retrieves possession. Where’s my burger, biatch!

75: Though it’s 0-0, this match is highly entertaining. Sucks you’re not watching.

76: Bojan gets a head on the ball, but nada.

76: Wayne Rooney is heading out and Portuguese international Nani is in. Does he know Cristiano’s gal is naked on MC today?

77: ESPN’s Tommy Smyth is wondering why the hell there aren’t any goals in this game.

77: Thierry Henry in for Deco.

78: Tommy Smyth on Thierry Henry: “He’s been under the weather since he’s arrived in Spain if you ask me.” Classic!

79: ESPN cuts to a montage of players complaining from today’s game.

80: Manchester United can’t get away from the long ball…and Yaya Toure has been on the floor all day. Is he looking for gold, or wat?

80: Players take a break to bathe in bottled tap water.

81: Hey, dipshit who isn’t watching the game and complaining about airline fares: shut up!

82: Barcelona is looking really great. I haven’t said that yet, but they are. Their passing is impeccable and…OHHHHHH! Henry with a powerful strike on goal!!!

83: Henry tries for another shot but is blocked. Barcelona are passing on the right side trying to get free. Bojan pushes the ball out and we’re still craving a goal.

84: We’re out of beer.

84: Carlos Tevez is out and Ryan Giggs is in.

85: Manchester United haven’t figured out that Bojan is just as fast as Lionel Messi. What they hell are they thinking?

85: Xavi’s free kick deflected to Iniesta and he takes a shot that Van der Ser saves.

86: Do you guys know how they come up with the “meters run” numbers? How do they keep track?

87: Another free kick for Barcelona. It’s honestly like the 30th one. They are about 20 yards out, direct and I Van der Ser stretches all the way to save Henry’s kick.

88: Barcelona 64% possession, Manchester united 36%. It’s been that kind of game. Maybe Manchester will pull off an Italian job.

89: Two minutes will be added so someone better score already.

90: This is a good time for a streaker. Female preferred. Someone make a call.

91: Well it could be 1-0 Manchester if Cristiano Ronaldo wasn’t such a dumby. Hargraves tries to bring the ball down with his hand. These are signs that the end is near.

92: GAME OVERRRRRR. Of all people to fail at the most crucial moment, Cristiano Ronaldo’s miss is huge. However, Manchester should be pleased with an away draw. Next week should be quite a treat. Maybe more Nereida Gallardo as well. Waka waka waka.