England’s heroin addicts have added incentive when it comes to procuring freedom from their hell-hole addictions. The Newcastle United to the Government Office for the North East provided their DAATS, or Drug and Alcohol Action Teams, scores of free English Premiership tickets intended for the sole and distinct use of supplying their coke heads, crack fiends and poppy-poppers bonuses for kicking their habits. Some Brits have protested bloody fucking murder against allocating priceless tickets to drug-users, but we’re like, “Whatever helps addicts kick the pipa will stop the bitch ass Colombians from being so god damn corrupt.” Right? Right.

The DAATs may then hand the tickets to addicts seeking to tackle their problems - even to criminals classed as “prolific and priority offenders”.

A Government Office for the North East spokesman said the tickets were given only to those who had shown a “genuine commitment to living a normal, structured life”, and were not a reward.

Can Mr. Irving Welsh please step forward: Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Actually, some people—including our espresso loving asses—enjoy the comforts of domestication.

“As part of their work in the community, for more than ten years Newcastle United Football Club have provided, free of charge and at their instigation, four season tickets to frontline drug support services in the region.

“The tickets are provided on the understanding that they are used, as part of a package of measures, to particularly help young people who have had substance misuse problems, and are making clear progress and showing a genuine commitment to living a normal, structured life…

“Giving them a ticket to a football match is a way in which they can be reintegrated and in which they can build up confidence in themselves, which can only be a good thing.”

Martin Callanan, Member of the European Parliament for the North East, said: “People in society want to see wrong behaviour punished. I’m not convinced it’s a good thing.”

Kudos, but for some reason we think giving away Stone Temple Pilot reunion tickets would draw more addicts to quit. MLS tickets just don’t add up, really.

The drug addicts who are given Premiership tickets to help them recover [Daily Mail]
Image [imdb]