





Six bad ass Masai warriors from Tanzania are taking part in the London Marathon on April 13th and some volunteers have drafted a guidebook for them entitled “Visiting England: A Cultural Briefing”, full of important do’s and don’ts, that will ensure a safe transition into English culture. We wish we had something like that when we were younger and traveling to Mexico with our parents. Instead, our parents would specify, “don’t ask for French fries with every meal and don’t throw up in public.” The Masai marathoners were instructed to look out for many things, including:
“Even though some may look like they have a frown on their face, they are very friendly people - many of them just work in offices, jobs they don’t enjoy, and so they do not smile as much as they should.”
And because of the their teeth, of course. Also:
“You cannot rely on the sun to tell the time accurately and will have to rely on clocks and watches. The sun will rise and set at different times.”
Which is bullshit because Brits work on a simple translation of time: Sun up means work; Sun down means drinking. Masai warriors have an equivalent: Sun up, kill lion; Sun down, eat lion. Essentially, it’s all the same.
Yet, the best was saved for last as the Masai are instructed on things such as public defecation, theft and boozing it up.
Spitting and Urinating:
The guide says: “Whereas at home for you it is acceptable to spit, in England it is not but, if you have to, you must do so in a sink or in some trees when no one is looking.” When they are out and about, the six are told not seek out a tree or a bush when nature calls but to use the public conveniences.
But, what if the Masai are at a pub during a soccer match? They should have mentioned the part about not talking to the really fat guys that smell like fish.
Theft:
It adds: “You may see these animals in a field, seemingly left alone. It is important to remember that these animals are owned by someone and are being looked after.”Basically, don’t get caught in this position:
Boozing it up
And after the race, the six are told to get ready for a celebration. “Many people drink alcohol in England. They do so at bars, at homes or at clubs - the English equivalent to a Maasai party. “When people drink they [seem] sillier or different.”
Or begin to rape and pillage, invoking riot police to hose down a city block with 500 pounds of pressure coming out of a fire-hose, all the while chanting their favorite soccer team o…Oh. Right. Those Brits are so silly.
We wish the Masai luck during their race. Let’s just hope they don’t spear any civilized Brits in the back.
Wear pants, don’t pee in public and don’t herd the cows – the Masai marathon runners’ guide to ‘miserable’ Britain [Daily Mail]
Image [Daily Mail]
Video [YouTube]


Also on the list: check out the episode of Seinfeld when Jerry has to wake up the Kenyan marathoner if you don’t believe us about the electronic/sun time thing.
Posted by Churrasco | April 02, 2008
I don’t know if your serious about the sun up, sun down, kill lion, eat lion.
I think you are giving people the wrong impression when you say this. As maasai people do not kill lions nor do they eat them.
I have meet these six young men as I am living in Tanzania.
I’m sure you do wish them well like the rest of us.
Tania
Posted by tania | April 04, 2008
Hello, i am glad for the opportunity granted to the Maasai to participate in the Marathon though i found the guideline prepared for them stereotyping. Things such as “…wont spear any civilized Briton” are typical sensional in today’s world since Maasai dont walk around spearing people along the road in their villages. I also dont think hat Maasai could decide to temper with any animal in the field that doesnt belong to them because they dont do that in their villages or in Africa cities where they are increasingly migrating. Whoever wrote the guideline should have set time to learn about their culture to avoid such sweeping and stereotyping statements.
Generally, we do understand that they are coming from a different setting but that doesnt mean they now nothing. I urge the Britons to use the opportunity to learn the Maasai rich culture rather than treating them as useless because the world of today requires us to learn from each other; no matter how “uncivilised” others look.
Posted by Erick | April 09, 2008
I am a Tanzanian living in the UK, I found most of the comments really offensive, the guidebook in my opinion should have been scrapped the minute it was drafted. Although you were told they come from an area where they depend on hunting and herding cattles, they also come from an area which is a tourist attraction where most of the African wildlife known in the world is found and where the tallest mountain in Africa is, that is Mount Kilimanjaro. Corruption is an issue in most of African countries. This is one tribe that could have benefitted alot from tourism but they dont. The Maasai is one of few tribes in Africa who are proud and kept their traditional dress which is also part of the tourist attraction.
I believe most of you who visit Tanzania have used rest rooms there, and also found plenty of animals in the plains of Kilimanjaro, if these Maasai killed any animal that came their way, I dont think they’ll still be tourist visiting Tanzania, and by the way what animals did the guide mean not to kill in the City Of London. What the guidebook failed to illustrate is people adapt to different environment, if you are in the jungle you relieve yourself anywhere I dont think people look for toilets signs in the Amazon.
As a Tanzanian I’m very proud of my country men (The Maasai) for getting this opportunity to highlight the issue of luck of water and instead of them waiting for handouts they are doing something about it. And that was the whole point of this trip to raise money for clean drinking water and not a guided tour to insulting the Maasai. The publicity on the guided tour could have been put towards the website set for raising money for these guys which is www.maasai-marathon.org
Tanzania has been overlooked for many years, it’s the most peaceful country in the world and one of few countries playing a major role in resolving tribal wars that you see in television, until recently we get to see adverts on London buses of Mount Kilimanjaro, the exotic Zanzibar Island and lots more , and this is the message from all of us Tanzanian living around the world. You could make a difference by visiting a poor country like Tanzania and discover the natural resources our country offer, and I promise you’ll be inspired by our way of life and kindness, and not forgetting we dont go upsetting our visitors and throwing insults. George Bush has visited recently and he got the treatment one will never forget. Hospitality is our way of life.
Posted by Cherry | April 13, 2008
Am kenyan Kalenjin based in Nairobi
Both the masai and the britons who gave the guidlines where ‘making fun’
The masai do not chase lions for 42 Km as they were saying…
the brits…to were making fun
Lets wellcome the Masai to the marathon and lets accept some nice stereotyping…its all fun
Posted by Michael | April 14, 2008
well Michael it’s not funny.
Posted by cherry | April 14, 2008
I agree with Michael. I was born in Tanga in 1951, being half Greek, half English. My father was the only doctor specialising in tropical medicine in the region for some years. Amongst his patients were a pair of Maasai men who had travelled hundreds of miles to Tanga to visit his surgery for a cure - I remember them arriving one day out of the blue. They were courteous and very gracious. In the 1950’s they may have lived primitively in the villages, but I cannot believe that today they don’t know about the outside world. The spokesman Isaiah seemed very well spoken and must have been educated well locally. He probably knows exactly what needs to be done with the money they raised to establish the good water supply, and the process of boring holes or whatever they are going to do there.
Incidentally, the two warriors who dropped out yesterday due to one of them being taken ill, are at this moment running in the Isle of Dogs - my partner has been driving behind them for some time. No one is recording them, no one is watching them. I think they must be doing it as a personal duty to those who have contributed money.
Maria, 14 April 2008
Posted by Maria Morphopoulos | April 14, 2008
lol, whoever wrote this is a twat. cheap shots.
Posted by Atif | April 14, 2008