Heads Up: Ever Tried Squirting Milk Out Of Your Eye?

We’ve been able to make a squeaking sounds out of our right eye since we were five. It’s disgusting and our friends hate it. But this is a new level of ocular obscurity. Meet this dude. He can squirt milk out of his eyes. He’s been doing it for years and he’s really proud of himself. Our squeaking has gotten us nowhere. [Myspace]
Jessica Simpson is a “Real Girl” who eats meat. At least that’s what her vintage shirt states. On her chest. In bold letter. On her chest. /Homer drools. [With Leather]

Ok. Can someone please email us and tell us what the hell this “Viva Piñata” website is all about? [Viva Piñata]
Craig Bellamy doesn’t care if you’re trying to help the world by ridding Sub-Saharan Africa of poverty. All he cares about is that you leave his fucking roulette chips alone. [The Spoiler]
So we’re stuck at an airport right now waiting for our flight to Mexico City to start boarding. Because of that we’re missing one of the greatest US Opens in the history of the tournament. Darn them cheap late afternoon flights. [Deadspin]