Heads Up: Wayne Rooney Gushes Over Being Cristiano Ronaldo And Carlos Tevez's Teammate.

We’d be all smiles if we were a part of a trio that consisted of Cristiano Ronaldo and Carlos Tevez. Seriously, Nike. Go ask Juan Carlos if he’s freakin’ happy he’s the King of Spain. Um, answer will most likely be “fuck yeah, tio!” [YouTube]
Cristiano Ronaldo’s shorts are really short, which is fine if you live in Williamsburg. [With Leather]

Pedro Martinez is ready to hit the lineup whenever the Mets call him up. Hey, Mets. Did ya hear that? Ol’ Petey wants to get in the game. [ESPN]
Jens Lehmann takes “kinky” to places we really don’t want to visit. [The Spoiler]
Would you have the strength to escape a bear attack with a lacerated face and drive yourself to a fire station? [NY Daily News]