We never took Jose Canseco for a one-minute man, especially when dealing with an older, shorter and heavier guy. Of course we’re talking about his boxing debut Saturday night against Vai Sikahema, former Philly Eagle and current broadcaster (say what you will about our physical stature, but we’re sure we can take down… say, Don Fransisco). The cheesesteak eater knocked out the steroid taker in the first round, but he didn’t go down easy. It took Sikahema three meetings between Canseco’s ass and the canvas before he was declared the winner. If you can call anyone in this sordid affair a “winner.”

“When you step inside the square circle,” Sikahema said, “don’t ever think that your size is going to matter because in Philadelphia, we will chop you down.”

Of course, the fine people of Philly not only give out the choppings, but love to watch as well, especially when it’s free!

Steve Smutnik, 24, of Philadelphia got free tickets. He and his brother, Rich, who just turned 21, planned to hit the casinos afterward.

“I listen to 610 (Philadelphia sports radio station WIP) all the time,” Smutnik said. “They were talking about it all the time. It sounded interesting. When someone offered me the tickets, I was like ‘sure.’ “

Hey Jose, could you induldge us and listen for a second? Steroids aside, you were the first guy to hit 40/40. You banged Madonna… and sure, you were like the thousandth guy to do that, but still, it’s Madonna. And now watching you getting your ass kicked is a night out’s appetizer for dudes with popped collars. We don’t say this often, but… join the priesthood, man. Not to save your soul or anything, but to hide from the million creditors, junkies, bail bondsmen, bounty hunters, maniacal ex-girlfriends and assorted other vagrants coming after you. We’ll split the proceeds when you sell a comedic screenplay about the whole thing. No go away, please.

Sikahema KOs Canseco in 1st round [Press Of Atlantic City]
Image [postchronicle.com]