Well, folks. It looks like Nereida Gallardo is headed towards the land of WAG purgatory after rumors arose this morning that Cristiano Ronaldo has officially dumped her. Nereida will now reside in a detritus-filled corner of the celebrity world inhabited by WAGs that are persistent in their pursuit to be famous at all costs. It’s a place where Playboy contracts may or may not be signed, a place where paparazzi are accidentally sent and a place where The Sun sometimes looks for their stories. Until Nereida Gallardo spills the beans on what Cristiano’s like in bed, and what the size of his package is, we have to work with what we’ve got. And that means a chronological look into what was the Queen Of The WAGs after the jump. Oh, god. Is that a fucking tear in our eye? Maybe, man. Just maybe.

April 7, 2008: Nereida Gallardo Appears On The WAG Scene

It all started with a kiss. Cristiano Ronaldo had scored his 37th Premiership goal in a game against Middlesbrough and blew a kiss into the stands as his goal celebration. No one winced until it was revealed by a Cristiano Ronaldo confidante that his kiss was directed towards a lovely 24 year old Mallorcan named Nereida Gallardo. Us and everyone else in the world, went absolutely ape-shit crazy over her.

April 14 2008: Nereida And Cristiano Together In Public.

It had only been a week, but there was sense that this girl was going to be a handful. Whether she was simply smoking a stogy, or wearing a white blouse, the media was going to pick up on whatever there was about this Spaniard who had stolen Cristiano Ronaldo’s extremely rich heart. At this time, Cristiano was closing in on his 40th goal of the season and his notoriety as a hooker loving, sel-indulged individual took a backseat to his lovely new lass. There’s no doubt that the new addition to his entourage was exactly what the media was craving.

April 23 2008: Bam! Nereida’s First Topless Photos Surface (NSFW)

It’s what we at Machochip headquarters like to call the “Bing!” story. It basically involves nudity and a WAG and, well, Nereida Gallardo encompassed both well the way Paul Pierce shot blocked and shot from the perimeter against the Lakers. Only 16 days after a rumor about their relationship was hovering around the blogosphere, The Sun revealed topless beach photos of Nereida Gallardo, and damn are they a splendid collection of WAG-udification.

April 30 2008: Cristiano Ronaldo Brands Nereida Gallardo With “R7” Earrings

A gift from a significant other consisting of expensive jewelry usually means there’s something serious going on, right? That’s the impression C-Ron gave the world when he gifted Nereida a pair of “R7” earrings worth a lot of dough. Hell, we even declared it the “official” moment in which these two were destined for mythical soccer/WAG status. The question now is if she gets to keep all of these trinkets once she’s given the boot. And if she does, will she be pawning them off soon? Our guess is no since almost every single rag-tag tabloid will be fetching for the goods on Ronaldo in the next few days, and you know she’ll be charging a hefty price.

May 5 2008: Nereida Moves Into Ronaldo’s Pad

May 21 2008: A List Of The Top 50 WAGs Is Sans Nereida Gallardo, We Ask “Why?”

May 26 2008: Machochip Gets The Exclusive Nereida Gallardo Palma De Mallorca Club Pictures (NSFW)

It was labor day weekend and we had the day off until an overzealous Spaniard emailed us with exclusive pictures of Nereida Gallardo nude at a nightclub in Mallorca. The story has become legendary at our headquarters, seeing as it was the first time we scuffled with a major news outlet (you know who the hell you are) for the rights to the photos. Well, we never pay for shit so we lost, but we still got the exclusive because that’s what the page views say. For us, this solidified Nereida’s stature as the number one WAG in the world.

June 25 2008: Nereida Gallardo Takes On Sardinia, Italy With C-Ron

This was, without a doubt, the beginning of the end for the hottest soccer couple in the world. Think about it. If you spend night and day together in paradise, fighting off paparazzi and the gossip wranglers, while stressing out about your possible transfer to a new club, whilst your girlfriend is telling papers that she doesn’t want you to leave England, it was only a matter of time until Cristiano Ronaldo had enough. Sure they look happy, but there was a fire burning in Cristiano and he wanted out!

June 25 2008: Cristiano Ronaldo Tries To Poison Nereida Gallardo With Saliva

We’ve all had ear infections and there’s nothing more painful than a throbbing ear with puss streaming out of it. Ok, Cristiano wasn’t trying to poison Nereida during their vacation, but this uncensored display of intimacy could be seen as the moment Cristiano says, “Screw it. Let’s shag until we drop and then it’s all over.” Or, she could have had chocolate on her cheek.

June 27 2008: More And More Vacation Photos From Sardinia, Italy.

July 7 2008: Bombshell: Nereida Gallardo Canoodled With Real Madrid’s Sergio Ramos

One must think: this revelation may compromise the most expensive transfer in the history of football. In what is probably a gossip wrangler’s dream, News Of The World reports that Nereida Gallardo had a previous affair with Real Madrid defender Sergio Ramos before she ever dated Cristiano Ronaldo. Was this the leverage Cristiano Ronaldo to dump a girl who once reported that she and C-Ron were looking into getting married? Hell yes it was.

July 11 2008: Poll: Nereida Gallardo Is No Longer Everyone’s Favorite Spanish WAG

Monday, July 14 2008: Nereida Gallardo Is Dumped By Cristiano Ronaldo.

We knew this day would eventually come and it pains us to think that the nature of the internets will take it’s course and devour Ms. Nereida Gallardo’s fervor for the rest of time. She’ll never be as big as she was, people will continue to make fun of her, and she’ll try to make a post-WAG living a la’ Rebecca Loos (though she was never a real WAG) by posing for magazines and selling a story that no one really wants to read. She may do Playboy (get on it, Hef) or some other nudie mag, and we’ll write about it here and post the pictures. She’ll tell us Cristiano Ronaldo cried in bed, or something, and we’ll post that crap too. But it’ll never be the same. So, everyone wave “Adios” to the carnival that was Nereida Gallardo and submit to the possibility of obsessing over someone new. Just so you know, we’re already on top of the next WAG.

Earlier: All Nereida Gallardo Coverage Here

Images [The Sun, Daily Mail, Flynet]