Some people are just born to antagonize. Ozzie Guillen is one of those people. And while obviously not at the level of Hitler, the White Sox manager does rank somewhere between Dick Cheney and that girl at the bar that always starts shit and gets her boyfriends into fights. His latest escapade happened on Sunday when, after being booted from a game against the Royals after a brawl, Guillen admitted that he had previously ordered his pitchers to hit opposing batters. Something tells us baseball commissioner Bud Selig’s not going to like that very much? How much? We’d say about three-to-five games of suspension worth.

“I’ve hit people before on purpose,” said Guillen, the Chicago White Sox manager, after a game Sunday in which umpires levied a suspect ejection in the fifth inning of a blowout when Chicago reliever D.J. Carrasco hit Kansas City’s Miguel Olivo with the bases loaded and incited a bench-emptying square dance.

“Yes I have,” Guillen continued. “Because that’s my job. Protect my players.”

You know what else is part of your job, Ozzie? Discretion. Because if you get suspended over your comments, who’ll be there to protect your babies? And if one gets plunked while you’re out, you’ll come back even madder than before. It’s a vicious cycle, which is like hitting for the cycle, only less congratulatory.

[And if you’re scoring from home, if you get a vicious cycle, single=passive aggressive comment towards your pitcher; double=bumping an ump; triple=ordering an opposing batter to get plunked; home run=decapitating your GM in a fight during the trade deadline.]

Ozzie admits to ordering past retaliation [Yahoo!]
Image [AP]