Tom Brady has been blasphemin’… well, in Texas and certain parts of Oklahoma, anyway. In an interview with Esquire magazine, the New England Patriots’ dreamy QB explains that he’s in the throes of an existential crisis that usually befalls poets and goth teens—wondering why God has chosen him to receive praise and fame when all he does is play football, which in the larger scheme of things, is unimportant. And now that he’s realized this, the new father is trying to look for a better way to live his life for his family, which includes hot baby mamma actress Bridget Moynihan and professional ass-shower Gisele Bundchen. Excuse us as we play the the world’s smallest violin. The song? “I’m An Asshole.”

“How can I be more honest, accept things that don’t go as planned?” Brady said in a cover story for the September issue. “When you try to combat everything, at the end of the day you realize that you’re responsible for yourself.”

“Look at the attention I get: It’s because I throw a football. But that’s what society values. That’s not what God values,” Brady said. “He didn’t invent the game. We did. I have some eye-hand coordination, and I can throw the ball. I don’t think that matters to God.”

Oh yeah, then why did God make the NFL play on Sundays, right after church? With all the violence, sex and drinking in it, you would think they wouldn’t go together, but football has all that stuff, too. They’re like peas and carrots.

Brady says God doesn’t value him as a quarterback [seacostonline.com]
Image [mediabistro.com]