Joey Porter has been wondering what the fuck has been going on in New York City. Stocks are going bust and no one seems to be telling him what to trust. We actually have no idea what he’s talking about because we’re too busy counting our pennies and the loaves of bread we were paid with last month. But we imagine someone who makes $20 million guaranteed in salary would feel the crunch…especially if he’s trying to compile a nice portfolio for his future.

“I’m about to go dig a hole in my back yard and put it in my back yard where I can see it,” Porter said Monday. “I don’t like this stock stuff. I don’t like not being able [to rely on] this bond and that bond. Everything’s funny. I don’t trust nothing.” Porter is in the second year of a five-year, $32 million contract that includes $20 million guaranteed.

The 31-year-old from Bakersfield, Calif., has been glued to the financial reports, trying to get an idea of how much he’ll have left in his portfolio.

“I can’t do nothing but watch,” Porter said. “We’re in a crisis right now. The money’s definitely getting funny. So I gotta watch mine with a close eye.

“I try not to worry about it. That’s my financial advisor’s job to take care of that, but … We’re in a crisis right now. I’m just trying to hold on. At the end of the day, hopefully, he’ll tell me I’m not broke.”

Well, if your adviser is a smart man, then he’ll send you a text message while boarding a flight to Switzerland. In the meantime, call him up and tell him to buy some WWE stock!

Joey Porter shovels advice for money crisis [ESPN]
Image [HHR]