Machochip contributor and sexual tech guy, Falling Man, came to us with the idea of doing a feature highlighting the latest technological advances in the sex toy industry. At first we were a little skeptical as to what he would come up with, the Chip did not want to get arrested or anything like that. But, as he shed light on what he had discovered we understood that with some of these gadgets at our disposal would have the upper hand (jejeje) when it came to sexual foreplay. Without further ado we give you the latest advances in sex toy technology.

We all have busy lives and you probably have not been keeping up with the latest trends in Sex Toy technology well have you missed out. It appears the advances in sex toy technologies are advancing at a rate to make NASA proud. For any opportunistic young bloggers out there looking for your niche, I may have found it … but I digress!

Below is a list of some of the oddest and wildest sex toys available for his and her pleasure:

Suction Vacuum Cleaner Vibrator

Why not combine a little spring cleaning with your personal playtime? Not quite cleaning but the manufacturers’ description explains:

Place Vortex over the clitoris against the labia. Suction will immediately increase blood flow to the clitoris causing it to enlarge and become sensitive. Move the slider down and the clitoris itself starts to vibrate, fluttering like a reed in a saxophone. By adjusting the slider upward or downward, YOU control the rate of vibration.

Not only fun, but educational also. Watch the video of the gadget in action.

iVibrator

Already own an MP3 player and looking for musical masturbation? Well look no further! Apparently this fine device syncs with your MP3 player and the good vibrations match the rhythm and volume of your chosen song. One only wonders how a Death Metal orgasm compares to a Kenny G one.

Monkey Rocker Sex Machine

If it’s a rockin’ dont come a knockin’. This beautifully named marvel allows you to attach your favorite sex toy and without the use of batteries (Green Technology is very hot right now), just the action of shifting your weight will generate the rocking motion of your choice to deliver the big finale.

Erotic Sex Station for Him

If you have ever been described as a Lazy Jerk, this might be the toy for you. Take the effort out of flying solo by attaching this Japanese wonder and let its battery powered prowess handle all the hard work for you. I am speechless.

Moving on.

Veggie-Vibrator

Here is one for the vegans and vegetarians I suppose. Not quite a commercial product but more of a movement it seems, making fruit and vegetables into sex toys has apparently got enough of a following to have at least one webpage. Today I read the words “Papaya Pussy” which I never thought I would.

Pleasure Periscope

Ladies, have you ever has some alone time and wanted to see what was going on in there? Do you know, or want to know, where to massage by sight? Great addition to your “U-Boat commander” role-play sessions too!

Oral Sex Headlight

More improvements on the visual orientation to genitalia we now have the oral sex headlight. This is for those who like to handle their work down there with eyes wide open. I can’t help think that this looks like you are performing the deed while taking a call on your bluetooth though.

Middle Finger Vibrator

This could also double as a parting gift from a bad breakup as well as a fabricated appendage of loooove.

The Accomodator

They say women are attracted to men who make them laugh and if this does not make her laugh, I don’t know what will. I know for a fact that if a video showed up online of me using this, I would never run out of nicknames. But seriously, who can’t appreciate the efficiency of handling two tasks with the same amount of energy expenditure (more green tech, very hot!).

There it is, I hope I enlightened and informed. I will end this article with something for you to think about … go review all you have seen here today and imagine the brainstorming meetings that were responsible for the birth of these fine devices - Imagine the genius in those rooms and be awed.