Just in the nick of time to subdue our soccer withdrawals and sequential convulsions, UEFA has released this year’s Champions League qualifying draw. Usually the teams come from Georgia, Turkey, Ukraine, Finland (to name a few) and either we’ve...

Back when Jose Mourinho was coach of Portuguese club Porto, the team won a Champions League title and a domestic title in the same year. That year was 2003-2004. It was also the same year that Porto allegedly tried...

When Chelsea’s Nicolas Anelka entered the match against Manchester United during the Champions League final, scores of fans believed it was a wise move by Avram Grant. Little did everyone know that when Anelka strolled towards the penalty spot...

Everyone’s been yammering about Chelsea captain John Terry’s tearful outburst last night after he cost Chelsea the Champions League title. He cried, you empathized and we all wished him luck after missing the penalty that erased all of Chelsea’s...

The blogosphere has been overrun with news that there was a significant possibility Ronaldo would eventually move on to Spanish powerhouse club Real Madrid for a fee that would make him, unequivocally, the highest paid athlete in the history...

This is long, but some of you may have been stuck at work, or left out in the rain somewhere because you tried to skip work, yet were unable to remember that while ditching work, you forgot your car...

We just got back from, um, a “cafe” where we were watching the Champions League finals game with around 200 Chelsea and Macnhester United fans. The atmosphere was volatile, with multiple cheering sections full of gleeful drunkards and guys...

Ok, dudes. We’re moments away from the commencement of the greatest club tournament in the world. Yes, Copa Libertadres. We love you, too. But, we spend 10 1/2 months, or however long this tourney really is (if you count...

We’re about four hours away from the Champions League final kick-off and we thought a bit of nostalgia would rattle your passions. In 1999, Manchester United was down 1-0 for a total of 90 minutes and 36 seconds until...

If you’re betting on the Champions League clash this Wednesday then you ought to recognize that variabilities of a horrific kind can result in tons of money lost. Take note: the pitch at Luzhniki Stadium—the stadium hosting the final—is...

Ryan Babel’s 117th minute strike against Chelsea was a proclamation of hope. The Liverpool fans at the pub we were at became wide-eyed, invigorated at the possibility their team might actually slay the dragon of mediocrity this season, and...

Didier Drogba’s left foot is about as reliable a resource as binoculars are to a blind person. But his right foot is a completely different story. Just ask Pepe Reina. His stubble on the top of his head was...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Champions League: The heroics throughout Chelsea’s clash against Liverpool were extraordinary enough to extract a civil salute a la’ beer raise from us. Yet, the refereeing in this game was an example of...

There was an overwhelming sense of redemption from the Manchester United fans when Paul Scholes 18 yard volley hit the back of the net during the 14th minute of today’s Champions League semifinals game. Barcelona’s Deco tried feverishly to...

Cristiano Ronaldo’s monumental miss at the Nou Camp wouldn’t have happened at Old Trafford. At least that’s what Nereida Gallardo bangin’ Cristiano Ronaldo wants you to think. When he gaffed a crucial penalty during the first leg of the...

He’s totally distracted. The game’s currently in the 63rd minute and Lionel Messi was subbed out for Bojan KrKic. Get to a television, quick! Updates after the jump. Video [YouTube]...

We can’t count how many times we’ve whiffed while trying to get a shot on goal. This is why we’re not professional soccer players, but Liverpool’s Dirk Kuyt is. Yeah, there’s keeper error involved (You’re supposed to make yourself...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Champions League: If John Arne Riise lived in South America, he’d need a dozen or so bodyguards protecting him for the next week. Liverpool dominated Chelsea for 93.27 minutes until Riise’s own goal...

From this clip, it looks like Carlos Tevez could very well maintain Manchester United’s prowess in the Premiership all on his own. Which leads us to believe that even without Cristiano Ronaldo, Man U could stay appease fans with...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Champions League: Who needs Wayne Rooney or Cristiano Ronaldo in the starting lineup when you have a snarling Carlos Tevez? Sir Alex Ferguson gambles and it doesn’t bite him in the ass. Manchester...

UPDATE: We’re numb nuts. Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo aren’t even starting. But Carlos Tevez and Ryan Giggs should still make it exciting, meaning Roma totally has a chance to upset now! We’re not entirely sure how the sequence...

Arsenal defender Philippe Senderos felt a gust of wind, then saw a sharp red light cross perpendicular to him, then heard the roaring of 20,000 fans. It was Fernando Torres schooling him in the arts of scoring. Liverpool would...

Let’s recap what happened before the above video took place. After Arsenal’s Abou Diaby provided the Gunners with a lead in the 13th minute, Sami Hyypia fired a header passed a diving Cesc Fabregas that would of made Lindsey...

Arsenal and Liverpool have played three games against each other over the course of a week and are probably as sick of each other as we are with watching these two teams clash. Seriously. One time a few months...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Champions League: Fenerbahce’s Deivid made sure Chelsea fans were left weeping at the end of last night’s game. His 35 yard strike gave his club a 2-1 victory. [Telegraph] MLB 2008: We can...

We confirmed this weekend that Cristiano Ronaldo had officially sold is soul to the devil. Tonight, we’re even more convinced. Manchester United are winning 2-0 against Roma at the moment with only ten minutes left in their first leg...

It’s been a grueling month for us because soccer is our number one and living without Champions League play is like living without sex: truly, and utterly, unbearable. We’ve been harvesting our energy for today and now we’re only...

If it weren’t for FC Barcelona goalie Victor Valdes’ horrible goalkeeping, who knows what we’d be showing you this morning. Actually, Frank Lampard’s goal is brilliant. It has everything we love about a goal: creativity, determination and a whole...

If you’re a Roma fan, kudos for the win today. If you’re a Real Madrid fan, your voice is probably raspier than gypsy woman’s armpit from all the yelling at Guti’s horrific passes and Julio Baptista’s less than gentle...

Barcelona did what they were supposed to do last night by beating Celtic FC 1-0 and progressing to the quarterfinals of the Champions League. However, there was a lot of hype about whether coach Frank Rijkaard would start a...

Unfortunately, Sevilla FC couldn’t hold onto their explosive first half lead, but at least their silverware run left us with this gem. That goalies reaction time is, um, a bit lax....

We aren’t fans of Serie A for reasons that hardly need disclosure. So we’re ecstatic to report that Arsenal FC of the Thierry Henry-less variety, have just ousted reigning champions AC Milan 2-0 in the “last 16” stage of...

We got through a quarter of the quarterfinals done with yesterday with minor bumps and bruises. Never watch a Real Madrid game in Little Italy when they’re playing Roma. That’s the Machochip advisory board talkin’. Aside from that, the...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Champions League: Liverpool overcome a thousand (or so it seemed) Inter Milan hand balls to win the first leg of their quarterfinal match. Who cares about domestic leagues when you can win in...

We’ve been like a nursing baby without a teat these last few months without European Champions League play, but it’s finally here. The tournament is down to the final 16 clubs and eight teams clash today in the first...

It’ll be another month until Champions League returns, but smack talk and unrealistic gibberish from overzealous players can always be counted on. Note ex-Real Madrid defensive midfielder Cicinho. His recent declaration that Real Madrid are 90% certain to exit...

The knockout stage match ups of the Champions League were unveiled today and it looks like every other damn year; except for Fenerbahce of course. We’re rooting for them a bit because their freakin’ scary. If their fans our...

When religion seeps into sports, it’s usually not a pretty thing (see: Ireland), and this is no different. Turkish lawyer Baris Kaska is petitioning UEFA to void Inter Milan’s Champions League win over Fenerbahce because Inter’s jerseys were offensive...

The last round of the group stages has arrived and the elite of the elite are wavering in a muck of uncertainty. Powerhouses Liverpool FC and Spanish giants Real Madrid are two of the teams looking to advance out...

Here’s a revelation that’s shocked no one who’s been following soccer in Europe. This past weekend saw the newest betting scandal hit the continent, a match-fixing scam that could have possibly compromised up to 26 games, including a match...

Obviously whoever thought Americans were the only fat-tards in the world were mistaken. Uefa’s attack on love-handles comes with this clever ad, which was released during Champions League play this week. With a bit of innovation, you can turn...

Uefa Champions’ League soccer is upon us once again and we’re as siked as a California beach bunny getting a tan. Matchday 5 can either make your or break you, so we’re taking a glance at the most scintillating...

Uefa smacked Benfica midfielder Augustin Binya with a six-game ban after he tried to snap Celtic midfielder Scott Brown’s leg like a twig, but he doesn’t really understand with the big fuss is about. Binya declares he’s been treated...

How would you like Aston Villa V Real Madrid in the Champions’ League? Or maybe Wigan Athletic V AC Milan? If Uefa President Michel Platini had his way then Liverpool’s new scoring record would be up for grabs every...

Benfica midfielder Augustin Binya decided to try out some recently acquired UFC moves on Celtic midfielder Scott Brown during a Champions’ League match. Uh, that’s not allowed. He was given a straight red and even though Brown’s leg was...

Manchester United V Dynamo Kiev: 4-0 Final Cristiano Ronaldo decided to poke his pretty little face out in the 88th minute and score a goal to solidify a Manchester United’s arse-whoopin’ of Dynamo Kiev. Looks like them foreign-born players...

It’s that glorious time of the month again. Matchday 4 already provided some shock and awe yesterday and we’re getting riled up for some more European Champions’ League action. Sixteen games are spread over Tuesday and Wednesday matchdays, and...

Liverpool 8, Besiktas 0. It’s the biggest Champions’ League shallacking in history. The game was more than a pummeling. It was a slaughter, a demolishing, a massacre. And what could Besiktas actually do to stop such a tirade of...

So what in the world does Liverpool have to do to stay alive tonight? It seems like we go through this each and every year with this squad. They are one Champions’ League loss away from humiliation. They’ve been...

Miguel Cabrera is leaving the Florida Marlins… to make room for Alex Rodriguez? Considering Rodriguez made as much as the entire Marlins roster last year, it seems unlikely. [Palm Beach Post] The knucklehead who brushed AC Milan goalie Dida...