Whas happened in sports last night. NBA: The Lakers decided to make winning their seventh game to open the season as thrilling as possible. They blew a 23-point third-quarter lead against New Orleans, who rallied to come as close...

One of the bigger offseason moves that Tottenham made was to bring Mexican striker Giovani Dos Santos over to White Hart Lane from Barcelona. But while Spurs have had a resurgence of sorts under their new coach Harry Redknapp,...

MLB:Okay, Cubs fans. We’re going out on a limb and say that it wasn’t a goat curse that made your team lose last night. It was the three straight walks given up by Ryan Dempster and the James Loney...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night NFL: We’re not sure if Tom Brady could have saved the Patriots from the drubbing they took from the Dolphins yesterday. Well, in particular, the drubbing they took from Miami running back Ronnie...

As Cristiano Ronaldo well knows, ankles are important for a lot of things like scoring goals and running away from Lauren Conrad. So with his post-ankle surgery ready to get tested this weekend by Chelsea (in his first EPL...

Remember the roe between Cheryl Cole and husband Ashley Cole or him putting his wang in other girls? Well it’s all over now since Cheryl is finally wearing her ring again, even though she subliminally told us she was...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Champions League: Luiz Felipe Scolari isn’t getting too giddy about the other top table teams in the EPL just yet (it is a long season, after all), but he should be happy that...

Frank Lampard Goal Against Manchester Cityby Machochip Manchester City proved to be no match for a well-oiled machine. Even though Robinho managed to score with a brilliant free-kick in the 12th minute, he still couldn’t understand why Chelsea defenders weren’t...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night EPL: Luiz Felipe Scolari starts his ambitious time frame for Chelsea’s take over of Man U’s crown right, as goals from Joe Cole, Deco, Nicolas Anelka and Frankie Lampard lead to a lambasting...

In a statement he was sure to make after signing a fat ol’ contract with Chelsea, Big Phil Scolari (last seen smacking a guy, video below) declared that Manchester United will be kings of the EPL forever! Well not...

This really wouldn’t be a story if it wasn’t for the hilarious The Daily Show clip that goes along with this post. Will Ferrell arrived on Jon Stewart’s set sporting an old Chelsea FC jersey, which means he’s just...

Chelsea FC have landed in China where they will take on some team from Guangzhou FA, which they will promptly thrash and be commended for their amazing pre-season play. See that giant blue monster up there? It’s not Frank...

We’ve seen our fair share of vacationing soccer players over the last few months, but here’s a clip of some non-beach bathing madness. Frank Lampard was out in Italia sometime ago and managed to attract some Brits (we assume...

Michael Ballack’s had to cope with gargantuan losses in the last few years. His record during championship games isn’t one to gloat upon. He’s been a part of two losing Champions League teams, a World Cup team in 2002...

Ah that England squad. Enjoying the summer when the rest of the world is taking shin kicks and swapping sweaty jerseys. Peter Crouch was enjoying the beach with his bodaciously busty lover Abbey Clancy. And Rio Ferdinand is in...

We love when different sports coalesce. Our preference is when basketball stars embrace soccer. Steve Nash is a BIG fan; and Kobe Bryant has even gone so far as declaring soccer directly influences his playing style. Then there’s Kevin...

When Chelsea’s Nicolas Anelka entered the match against Manchester United during the Champions League final, scores of fans believed it was a wise move by Avram Grant. Little did everyone know that when Anelka strolled towards the penalty spot...

Everyone’s been yammering about Chelsea captain John Terry’s tearful outburst last night after he cost Chelsea the Champions League title. He cried, you empathized and we all wished him luck after missing the penalty that erased all of Chelsea’s...

This is long, but some of you may have been stuck at work, or left out in the rain somewhere because you tried to skip work, yet were unable to remember that while ditching work, you forgot your car...

We just got back from, um, a “cafe” where we were watching the Champions League finals game with around 200 Chelsea and Macnhester United fans. The atmosphere was volatile, with multiple cheering sections full of gleeful drunkards and guys...

If you’re betting on the Champions League clash this Wednesday then you ought to recognize that variabilities of a horrific kind can result in tons of money lost. Take note: the pitch at Luzhniki Stadium—the stadium hosting the final—is...

Mexican players are flocking to England in droves these days, and by that we mean that there are actually Mexican players in the Premiership now. Among them may be an 18 year old phenom who has already experienced glory...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Premiership: Look. We already have to deal with an all-English final a la’ Manchester United V Chelsea. But do we have to put up with the same matchup clashing down to the wire...

Didier Drogba’s left foot is about as reliable a resource as binoculars are to a blind person. But his right foot is a completely different story. Just ask Pepe Reina. His stubble on the top of his head was...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Champions League: The heroics throughout Chelsea’s clash against Liverpool were extraordinary enough to extract a civil salute a la’ beer raise from us. Yet, the refereeing in this game was an example of...

Denials were running rampant at Stamford Bridge that a Chelsea staffer had abused Manchester United’s Patrice Evra with racial slurs on Saturday. But reports flooding mainstream media today confirm that the staffer did, in fact, say some shit that...

There’s speculation that Chelsea boss Avram Grant’s days are numbered, but the head coach still maintains handle of the mightiest of swords. Big, iron-cast, paycheck slashing swords. Centre-back Ben Haim, 26, took aim at Grant after the 1-1 home...

Holy hell! Look at Petr Cech’s facial herpes scar! We’ve been hearing news since Saturday that Chelsea’s Petr Cech would be out for the remainder of the season (He’ll only be out two weeks now) due to a serious...

Arsenal and Liverpool have played three games against each other over the course of a week and are probably as sick of each other as we are with watching these two teams clash. Seriously. One time a few months...

The sound of a thousand broken hearts cascaded through North London after Fenerbahce’s Deivid launched a cruise missile from 35 yards out that hit the back of the net. He actually scored an own goal as well, so it...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Champions League: Fenerbahce’s Deivid made sure Chelsea fans were left weeping at the end of last night’s game. His 35 yard strike gave his club a 2-1 victory. [Telegraph] MLB 2008: We can...

Lassana Diarra has exchanged a Chelsea jersey for an Arsenal jersey and an Arsenal jersey for a Portsmouth jersey in the last year. We’re guessing he moves so much because he’s a wimp who gets bullied all the time....

We’ve met Chelsea FC’s Michael Essien twice over the past two summers at UCLA training grounds and the guy is built like a tank. This is what can happen when that tank makes a perfect connection with the ball....

Athletes will do anything they can to achieve greatness: Barry Bonds will do steroids, Tom Brady will associate with cheaters and Wilt Chamberlain will sleep with 20,000 women. But Chelsea FC’s Didier Drogba decided to take a different route....

If it weren’t for FC Barcelona goalie Victor Valdes’ horrible goalkeeping, who knows what we’d be showing you this morning. Actually, Frank Lampard’s goal is brilliant. It has everything we love about a goal: creativity, determination and a whole...

Yesterday we reported that Jose Mourinho was all kinds of “I’m gonna kill yo ass” threatening to his former club, Chelsea FC. He’d made the statements when asked by reporters how he would respond if he were coaching against...

Leave it to the “Special One”, former Chelsea coach Jose Mourinho, to contradict the living daylights out of himself over his former club. Mourinho revealed that he’s eager to take on the blues in the Champions League and do...

We’re the last people who need to be given an explanation of why rival fans need to be separated, but EPL team Chelsea may have to explain this. They’ve banned anyone with a Greek surname from buying tickets online...

We’ve been like a nursing baby without a teat these last few months without European Champions League play, but it’s finally here. The tournament is down to the final 16 clubs and eight teams clash today in the first...

We don’t care about Chelsea player Ashley Cole’s infidelity. What else would you expect from a world-class athlete that doesn’t look like Vlade Divac? Actually, even Vlade managed to pull a gal or two…maybe. But what you’d normally expect,...

We skipped on the Ashley Cole cheating debacle last week because we hate Chelsea FC. Did we just type that for all to see? Yes. And no, we are not Manchester United fans by default. Anyway, Cole apparently cheated...

How and why any English club would allow Diego Maradona to set foot on English territory is beyond. But, what the hell do we know? Diego made a cameo this weekend at Chesea FC’s camp because, well, he had...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Soccer Roundup African Cup of Nations: Late heroics save Tunisia, but what is more fascinating is that the game took place in a city named Tamale. Diouf was nowhere to be found. Tunisia2,...

Roman Abramovich, the Russian oil Tycoon who owns EPL’s Chelsea and like a trillion oil wells, has decided that he’s going to divorce his wife of 17 years, Irina Abramovich. Of course this has to do with him seeing...

Bolton striker Nicolas Anelka had been rumored to be on the move to Chelsea FC until he got the cock block from Avram Grant. Well that rumor was all bologna as well because Anelka was transferred today from shitty...

Apparently “The Special One” has been captured, shrunken and coated in plastic. The video stretches beyond our usual time limit, but it’s funny the whole way through. Wherever he is, we’re positive Jose Mourinho is taking this as the...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Soccer Roundup Interliga 2008: We tuned into Monterrey V San Luis to marvel at the Monterrey stripes and they wore…orange jerseys?! That’s just mean. Monterrey 1, San Luis 0. [USA Today] Carling Cup:...

As the college football season winds down tonight, here is one of the most vicious hits we’ve seen in a long time. Tulsa’s Roy Roberts puts a smackdown on Bowling Green’s Antonio Smith, and we don’t know what’ we...

Trade Talks From Around The Globe. Today we concentrate on the biggest soccer deals about to go down. If we’re missing something, go ahead and drop us a line at tips[at]machochip[dot]com. Chelsea FC: What are Valencia’s David Villa and...

Bryant Gumbel says shit on national television! Ok, he actually said “shin” and it was cable TV. Fine, the NFL Network, but those 17 viewers were supremely disturbed. [Mr. Irrelevant] Sir Alex is praising that foreigner Carlos Tevez for...