Ah that England squad. Enjoying the summer when the rest of the world is taking shin kicks and swapping sweaty jerseys. Peter Crouch was enjoying the beach with his bodaciously busty lover Abbey Clancy. And Rio Ferdinand is in...

What better way to celebrate your incapacity to partake in the most prestigious continental tournament in Europe than by visiting an African village and achieving chiefdom. Since Rio Ferdinand can’t captain a mediocre team, he’s managed to convince a...

The 2008 European Championships start this weekend, and the English soccer team has left a gaping hole on the roster of teams not making the trip to Austria and Switzerland. But looking at these pictures of English forward Peter...

We always thought the English had an affinity for fast sports like soccer, racing and tossing blood pudding after a night of drinking. So what are they doing snapping up tickets for the next NFL regular season game in...

USA’s national soccer team was expecting to stun England on their home turf, but the direct opposite happened. And it all started with this brilliant header from John Terry. Sure the guy likes to spit blazing hot loogies at...

Imagine if NBC decided to move “The Office” because the Boston Red Sox were playing the Tokyo Giants in an exhibition game on the same night, at the same hour. The reason the Red Sox would be playing the...

Leave it to Liverpool’s Yankee owners to mistakenly entrust a filthy banker with their property. If Liverpool don’t pay £31.5 million to their bank, Lumpturd & Hoser, in six weeks, they may be forced to sell off Ryan Babel...

England’s heroin addicts have added incentive when it comes to procuring freedom from their hell-hole addictions. The Newcastle United to the Government Office for the North East provided their DAATS, or Drug and Alcohol Action Teams, scores of free...

English soccer star Steven Gerrard’s father, Paul, has had to come to the defense of a man in England who is on trial for a robbery he says he didn’t commit. The elder Gerrard wrote a letter in defense...

David Beckham didn’t earn a victory during his 100th cap, but he gained a new 32gb iPod. Beck’s teammates decided to commemorate his centennial appearance with a $1,188 golden gift inscribed with: “For his 100th England cap.” That’s so...

Speculations as to why England lost to France this past Wednesday revolved around analysis regarding Fabio Capello’s unorthodox formations and his decision to take a traditionally deep positioned England defense, move them forward and see them scatter like frightened...

When England national team coach Fabio Capello decided to let David Beckham join England’s World Cup qualifying squad, many assumed that after his historic 100th cap, the British icon would be sent back to the States to play sub-par...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night International Friendly: The biggest hype of the day came when David Beckham won his 100th cap of his career. The moment of reality came when Frank Ribery scored a penalty, Beckham was given...

David Beckham has been recalled by Fabio Capello to play in a friendly against froggies, France, which will provide him with his illusive 100th Cap that he’s been chasing like a dog. Capello said: “I always said that when...

Micah Richards was banned from England’s national team squad after incumbent coach Fabio Capello decided to ex-nay Richards for a sex tape that was released in December. Now, 19 year old Micah is pleading his case to Capello because...

We’re not sure how to phrase this without being a bit insensitive, but the British Olympic Committee is comprised of a bunch of pansies. Okay. There. We said it. Apparently the BOC is forcing athletes participating in the 2008...

There are only two ways David Beckham could have handled his omission from Fabio Capello’s first-team roster: either belligerently attack Capello’s decision by kicking balls at a full-size cutout of the Italian, or concede defeat and assume the role...

Leave it to the cockiest and we stress cocky, athletes in the world to disregard trophies and awards that other players receive. Cristiano Ronaldo, Sir Alex Ferguson’s boyfriend, is thoroughly convinced, even without the distinction of soccer’s most notable...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Soccer Roundup International Friendly: (Y)Jonny Magallon is a sneaky little devil. He pulls through for Mexico to capture a draw. USA 2, Mexico 2. [AFP] International Friendly: The bulls squeeze by the frogs....

You always here that peripheral vision and reaction time are essential to an athlete. Most athletes are also overgrown adolescents. This is where video games come in. Athletes are to video games like overworked stock brokers are to brothels....

New England chief Fabio Capello wants everyone to know this is a new day in England. When the national team suits for its friendly against Switzerland, there won’t be a familiar face on the sidelines—David Beckham’s. It turns out...

We don’t care who you are. Curling a ball this good deserves recognition. And on that frosty October night in England, when St. George’s men were down 2-1 and about a foot and a half out of the World...

Remember a few months back when we mentioned that 5th division English club Ebbsfleet United was up for sale? Well, the internet geeks have won out and are now 96% shareholders of the club. The internet is abuzz with...

Liverpool FC are late on a lot of things this year: firing head coach Rafa Benitez, moving on up in the standings and throwing their holiday bash. The club, after thrashing Luton 5-0 in FA Cup action this week,...

We’re in the mood for a celeb gossip. So we’ve decided to stun you on this Thursday afternoon with a full frontal of David Beckham’s package, via Armani, because Victoria Beckham has confirmed our worst nightmares. The procockat…excuse us,...

Team sports may be for jerk jocks, but at least there’s never the threat of getting turned into a speed bump playing football. Well, unless you’re hanging out with Leonard Little. [Spike] The Colorado Rockies asked about Johan Santana....

Commercials like these make us wonder why these amazing footballers can’t put the ball in the net ALL the time. Give us free range, no pressure and a bunch of giggly admirers, and we’ll put a damn ball through...

Bolton striker Nicolas Anelka had been rumored to be on the move to Chelsea FC until he got the cock block from Avram Grant. Well that rumor was all bologna as well because Anelka was transferred today from shitty...

Streakers in England beware: There is a new Sheriff crazy ass mascot ready to pummel you if you don’t comply with stadium rules about running around naked on a pitch. Burnley mascot Bertie Bee took out a streaker and...

Liverpool’s American owners aren’t the biggest fans of Spanish head coach Rafa Benitez. Liverpool is sluggishly hanging on to the fifth spot in the Premiership standings and if things don’t shape up in the Beatles hometown, then Benitez will...

David Beckham won an “Outstanding Achievement award from the Football Writer’s Association” and during his speech he decided to salute his best bud Gary Neville by announcing he could see his wife’s fake, unnaturally perky bosoms if he wanted...

As the college football season winds down tonight, here is one of the most vicious hits we’ve seen in a long time. Tulsa’s Roy Roberts puts a smackdown on Bowling Green’s Antonio Smith, and we don’t know what’ we...

Manchester United has set a price for Cristiano Ronaldo and all of his hair gel extravaganza and man purse selling appeal. If Real Madrid are really interested in his services, then they’ll have to shell out $147 million, which,...

We’ve been waiting very, very patiently for Mexican striker Nery Castillo’s debut in the EPL. Actually we haven’t been that patient. Did coach Sven forget to include his name on the roster list? Maybe he spelled his name wrong....

What To Watch While Your Grandma Is Drinking The Leftover Rompope ESPN Perfiles: Roberto Clemente died tragically in an airplane crash on December 31, 1972. ESPN Deportes will be profiling his brilliant life and career on December 31st, the...

Cristiano Ronaldo? Kaka? Juan Roman Riquelme? Nope. It’s Ryan Taylor from English Premiership club Wigan Athletic. Who? Exactly. Wigan coach Issac Bruce claims his best midfielder can curve a ball with the sexiness and accurateness of a Beckham strike....

You have to ask that question because moments like this make you wonder why anyone still considers David Beckham the premier free-kicker in the world. Manchester United ended up thrashing Sunderland 4-0 and taking away first place from Arsenal....

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Premiership: Manchester find warmth in the depths of Sunderland. That translates to they kicked their arse. Man Utd. 4, Sunderland 0. [Independent] Premiership: Rafa Benitez gets to keep his job for another week....

Everyone, including us, thought the decline of Arsenal FC was inevitable after Thierry Henry decided to leave for Barcelona. The Gunners have proved everyone wrong, once again we’re included in that mess, and have stuck to the top tier...

When England’s Football Association began freaking out after getting ousted from the Euro 08 tournament and started blaming all the foreigners, we were surprised not one foreign player sat down in protest. And while we were shocked by that,...

Nery Castillo, Manchester City’s newest acquisition, is very proud of his new threads. He was finally welcomed by the English club with open arms this weekend and Castillo is eager to prove he’s more than just a whining tantrum...

Wow. We thought all this “foreigners out of English football” mess blew over when the foreigners starting winning all the awards, but Peter Crouch has brought it back like sexy. This past weekend, against Chelsea, Crouch was sent off...

If there isn’t a scandal mixed in with English club Christmas parties, then we probably wouldn’t pay attention. Until we checked out West Ham United’s Hogan Ephraim at a club Christmas party and noticed he was dressed as a...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Carling Cup: English clubs usually don’t complain about playing through Christmas if they’re winning. Arsenal 2, Blackburn 1. [Telegraph UK] NBA: Phil’s reverse phsycology seems to be working. Oh, the guys didn’t read...

Fabio Capello was named England’s savior yesterday and all seemed pleasant—at least for a moment—in rain country. The Italian coach is the fourth installment in a little over six years and already he’s trying to work some PR magic....

When you want to get things done right, you do them yourself. Our dad taught us that, but we still can’t change a tire because our AAA rates are just too damn cheap: so why bother? Yet, in an...

It’s about time some foreigners shelled out a little feedback to foreigner bashing England. Cesc Fabregas mused on the matter that English players aren’t developing properly in their country and he offered some valuable advice to every mama’s boy...

Mexican goalkeeper Guillermo Ochoa has been lusting for some European love lately. Getting tired of pay stubs that read “IOU?” No worries Memo, someone will come a callin’ soon. Just let that be someone from the Western, kind of...

After a grueling set of meetings over the last two days, the FA have reached an agreement with Italian Fabio Capello to take over as head coach of defunctoids England. Thumbs up, dude. Way to go. Fabio Capello will...

You’d think a salary of $250,000 a week would translate into obtaining an entourage of one, or ten private security, body guards and ex Greco-Roman high school wrestling champions to protect millions in assets (see assets: right). Liverpool FC...