Alex Rodriguez loves to exaggerate. He likes to exaggerate his worth, his ego and his talent. He also likes to commodify exaggeration when it comes to talking about how many times he was tested for steroids last year, which...

Man, and we thought we were cool for walking on the wall for like three steps in the seventh grade. [YouTube] Becks and the Galaxy are going to be playing some little ass (read: under-20) Chinese soccer players when...

It’s been a little more than an month since the Mitchell Report came out. And since the initial uproar, there hasn’t been much from the media about the involved players other than the coverage of Roger Clemens’ attempts to...

Screw the steroids! Miguel Tejada could see himself swinging at Dominican curveballs for the rest of his baseball career if the federal government of these United States de America have anything to say about the matter. Since Tejada is...

Did you know there are congressional hearings going on today concerning steroids and baseball? You didn’t? Well, this just in. Miguel Tejada, you are the grand prize winner of a luxury, all expenses paid by the federal government, incursion...

Remember that scene in “Beetlejuice” when Geena Davis’ character is smacked with a plate of steel to shut her ass up? We all need that for Jeff Kent. Always ready to spew nonsense, Kent weighed in on the H.G.H./Steroid...

When the Milwaukee Brewers signed pitcher Eric Gagne a few days before the Mitchell Report was released, most laughs linked to the story were from Red Sox fans who had seen the rapidly declining pitcher blow save after save...

If you were talking to the person who sullied your 20+ year pitching career for the first time, how many swear words could you hold yourself to? In the most awkward phone conversation aired since Nixon’s Watergate tapes, Mitchell...

Roger Clemens is, like, the most talked about athlete today. The rumors were circulating that former New York Yankees trainer, and personal steroid guru Brian McNamee, would sue Roger Clemens for defamation. Well they don’t call “The Rocket”, um,...

The Roger Clemens 60 Minutes interview in which he possibly revealed to have been a cokehead was on last night, and it’s hard to say we respect the man any more this morning. Not only did he reject the...

Roger Clemens is set to take the stage in front of a national audience this Sunday during an already recorded interview to be broadcast on CBS’ reality series on old people called “60 Minutes.” Screw you, we can have...

Machochip launched a measly two months ago, but we’re coming out in 2008 with a rocket stuffed in our pants. The Big Lead recently posted “What’s In and What’s Out for 2008” and we thought we could come up...

When Jose Canseco released his steroid tell-all Juiced in 2004, everyone called him a self-absorbed, washed up ball player who was just seeking attention. Now, with all the hububb around the Mitchell Report and Canseco being vindicated, he’s decided...

Roger Clemens’s lawyers are pulling out all the stops to clear his name that was sullied by the Mitchell Report. They’re now using private investigators to try to discredit Brian McNamee, the informant whose sordid tales of sticking needles...

We’re wowed at the fact that the Pittsburgh Penguins’ (and NHL savior) Sidney Crosby got into his first NHL fight-halfway through his third season. We thought it would’ve happened during his first game-you know, the NHL’s version of rookie...

We’re perturbed that some of the named Mitchell Report players aren’t coughing their guilt up—ahem, Clemens; but when teammates start to arrive in droves with loyalty, we cringe. Why, for once, can’t a teammate say, “Yeah that shmuck was...

Ever since former Maine Democratic Senator George Mitchell’s report on the state of steroid abuse in Major League Baseball came out, the sports world has been enthralled. And although we’ve found the report is really nothing more than one...

There’s nothing quite like one of the preeminent pitchers of our day calling out the best pitcher of all time. But that’s where we find ourselves post-Mitchell Report, when a guy like Red Sox hurler Curt Schilling can call...

You bet on baseball? Who cares. Guys were cheating by injecting drugs into their ass cheeks and getting away with it for decades. It was only a matter of time until legendary cheat-a Pete Rose spoke on the recent...

New York Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens was scheduled to speak to Texas high school baseball coaches next month, but the organization has reconsidered because of the recent Mitchell Report guillotine chop Clemens received when he was branded a cheater....

div#main{overflow:visible;} We’re unabashed fans of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, so when Carl decided to speak the gospel about the Mitchell Report, we had to play his disciples. [100% Injury Rate, via Deadspin] Some nastiness went down at Manchester United’s...

Former MLB player, Mitchell Report listee and current ESPN baseball analyst Fernando Viña came clean today on his network, a day after he played “Where’s Fernando” with them. He disappeared over the weekend, even after his bosses wanted him...

Mariano Rivera admires teammate Andy Pettitte’s recent admission that he took H.G.H. in 2003 for an injury. Frankly, we don’t even know why there’s such an uproar. It was two days. A four year old’s asthma inhaler probably contains...

Alex Rodriguez has called Jose Canseco a dirty stinkin’ liar. He’s not the first, and certainly not the last, but last night’s 60 Minutes interview where A-Rod denied ever used steroids flew in the face of Canseco’s no-proof damning...

It didn’t take too long for the “Mitchell Report” to elicit guilt-driven apologies from guys that consciously tried to shrink their gonads. New York Yankees pitcher Andy Pettitte had been named in the report as a user of H.G.H.;...

We found another reason to torture you with Jose Canseco nipple pics. The former bash-brother was stunned when he caught a whiff of the “Mitchell Report” yesterday and Alex Rodriguez’s name wasn’t on the list. It’s cool Jose, we’re...

Honestly, we at the MachoChip headquarters thought yesterday’s Mitchell Report congressional hearings would’ve been a bigger circus that it turned out to be. With that big a stage, anyone from Jimmy Carter to Morganna the Kissing Bandit could’ve walked...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night MLB: Isn’t that picture cool? Just in case you were stuck in the shitter all day, the “Mitchell Report” cited 86 different players from all thirty teams who indulged in steroid cocktails at...

The Mitchell Report, unlike this kangaroo, has already reached it’s climax. As you can see, we’ve gone cuckoo. Steroids, ball-shrinkers and cheaters will reign supreme for the next few, um, weeks. So just sit back and play with your...

The Houston Astros were probably unaware their recent Tejad-ian acquisition would be fueled by roids. Unfortunately, that’s the case. Miguel Tejada was named in the “Mitchell Report” today as an “alleged” user of steroids and HGH. The report cites...

UPDATE: Nomar Garciaparra spared the humiliation of being a ball-shrinker. He has not been named in the Mitchell Report, but sources close to Machochip (i.e. a psychic) confirm that he’ll spend a considerable amount of time on the disabled...

At 2 o’clock today, Former Senator George Mitchell’s going to be releasing his list of Major League Baseball players he found to be guilty of buying steroids. The “Mitchell Report” was funded by MLB to find out who was...

Angels owner Arte Moreno is warning baseball fans (and alerting the media) that when MLB’s Mitchell Report comes out naming “people implicit” in steroid abuse, heads will spin. Really? Because unless it’s Derek Jeter or Johan Santana, there won’t...