Machochip

Editors' Picks

Worst. Cookbook. Ever. If You Thought Testicles Made Bad Food, How About Semen Recipes?  ||  Feature: Athletes Who Don't Make Us Want To Purge This Thanksgiving  ||  Next Year's Pirelli Calendar Is Going For A More Eco-Friendly Theme  ||  Ryanair Releases Employee Hotties Calendar for 2009 To Support Charity, Our Lust For Stewardesses
TuesdayNovember252008

'Member?: Drew Brees Keeps Haunting Us For Picking Tom Brady In Our Fantasy Draft

Whas happened in sports last night. NFL: Drew Brees threw for more than 300 yards for the eighth time this year as the New Orleans Saints demolished the Green Bay Packers on Monday Night Football. Deuce McAllister scored the...

FridayOctober312008

It's A Celebration, Bitches! Leyrn Franco Joins Bia and Branca Feres In Machochip Reunion!

What are the odds of finding this Leryn Franco video so soon after finding out that fellow Olympic hotties Bia and Branca Feres came out of hiding? If you don’t remember Franco, she was the incredibly sexy Paraguayan javelin...

ThursdayOctober302008

The Synchronized Swimming Twins Bia and Branca Feres Are Back In... Mylar?

So remember those incredibly hot synchronized swimming sisters Bia and Branca Feres that we brought you during the Olympics? Wheter you do or not, go ahead. Take a gander… Well, now that you’re back it seems that they are...

ThursdayOctober232008

East L.A. Boxer Shawn Estrada Highlights Olympic "Chaos" That Resulted In One Medal

These past summer Olympics were a bad one for the U.S. Boxing Association. They only won a single medal, the bronze medal that Deontay Wilder brought home in the heavyweight class. So it’s no wonder to hear from recently-turned...

WednesdayOctober152008

Hottie Of The Day: Australian Swimmer Stephanie Rice Says "Oi, Let Me Party, Yeah!?!"

So let’s just get this out of the way—when you go to Thailand to “party,” then don’t be shocked when you get back home and that partying has caused shit to blow up. That said, smoking Olympic swimming hottie...

MondayOctober132008

White, Pasty Reporter Continues Tradition Of Getting Beat Down By Olympics Boxing Medalist

Tuscaloosa News sports columnist Chris Walsh isn’t one to keep his jabs contained within the inches of his column. He decided to get into the ring with 6’7 Olympic Bronze medalist Deontay Wilder for the sake of getting a...

MondayOctober062008

Hottie Of The Day: Leryn Franco Comes Back To Us Partially Clothed (There's Boobage After The Jump)

When these past Olympics were over, we thought we were never going to see Paraguyan javelin thrower/model/happy pants maker Leryn Franco again. But then word came that from those games a romance grew between Franco and Serbian Tennis player...

WednesdayOctober012008

Spainish Baller Jose Calderon Wants To Apologize For That Whole Slanted Eyes Olympic Mess

As the NBA training camp season opens, a lot of last season’s failures fuel the questions spouted by reporters. But for Toronto Raptors guard Jose Calderon, it’s the most-say racist picture he took with his Spanish Olympic basketball squad...

WednesdayOctober012008

Hey remember when all those Olympic Chinese gymnasts were called out for being underage? Well they were cleared, but now the girls from the Sydney games are being looked at. Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin’… [BBC]...

ThursdaySeptember182008

Olympic Swimmer Brendan Hansen Loses Gold Medal, Dignity On Flight

Let’s say you won an Olympic gold medal. None of that silver or bronze stuff, we’re talking about number one gold. You’re taking said medal on a plane with you, and you don’t want it checked in because you’re...

ThursdayAugust282008

Olympic Brit Teen Diver Tom Daley Breaks Up With Partner, Wants Someone Who Understands The Jonas Brothers

One of the big stories going into these past Olympic games was the debut of 14-year-old wunderkind English diver Tom Daley (BTW, why is it bad for little girls to twirl and play around when they’re 14, but it’s...

MondayAugust252008

Manu Ginolbi's Olympic Injury Have The San Antonio Spurs Really Hating The Olympics Right Now

As much as countries love putting their best athletes out there for international competitions like the Olympics, there is a downside to the national glory when the sport they compete in generates billions of dollars. That downside is injury,...

MondayAugust252008

London Olympic Video Showcases Painting Of Murderer Myra Hindley

If there’s one thing London organizers should take from the Beijing Olympics, besides the cunning and ruthlessness involved, and necessary, to con the gymnastics’ world with 14 year old athletes, it’s to be forthright about production. For example, relinquish...

MondayAugust252008

Did Guillermo Perez and Maria del Rosario Espinoza Save Mexico's Sporting Future?

Oh, rest of North America. For the first half of the recently concluded Olympics, we were all having a good laugh over Canada’s inability to medal in anything not involving snow, but then they had a good last run...

MondayAugust252008

'Member?: Redeem Team's Dreams Seen, And They're Golden

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Olympic Men’s Basketball: In an awesome display of fourth quarter prowess, Kobe Bryant willed his squad by scoring 13 of his 27 points in the last frame to beat the Spanish squad (again)...

FridayAugust222008

Swimmer Amanda Beard Has One Word ForThose Michael Phelps Dating Rumors: Ew

Amanda Beard, you’re a class act. Not only have you paved the way to your post-swimming career doing Skinemax movies by already posing for Playboy, but when asked about a possible romance between you and Michael Phelps, you decided...

ThursdayAugust212008

Has Spanish Baller Juan Carlos Navarro Boycotted The English-Speaking Media?

With all the circus surrounding the slant-eyed pictorial, have members of Spain’s national basketball team decided to shut out any media personnel who doesn’t speak Spanish? That seems to be the case after the US team blew them out...

ThursdayAugust212008

Hackers Use The Beep-Boop-Boop-Beep To Prove China's A Buncha Liars

As of this morning, the Americans lead the total medal count at the Olympics, but trail China in the Gold tally by almost 20. Half of those golds, however, have been won by the Chinese women’s gymnastics team who...

ThursdayAugust212008

'Member?: We Mourn The Sudden Loss Of Skimpy Bikinis In The Olympics

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Women’s Beach Volleyball: While we’re happy for Americans Misty May-Trenor and Kerri Walsh for winning the gold medal by beating the Chinese team of Wang Jie and Tian Jia, we are saddened by...

WednesdayAugust202008

Move Over BMX Dudes And Trampoline Jumpers—What New Sports Are Coming To The Olympics In 2016?

Did you know that the first Olympic BMX Cycling competition started today? We didn’t get the memo that the grand old games were merging with the X Games, but we’re down with getting a medal off a sport invented...

WednesdayAugust202008

Heads Up: The Olympiad In Less Than Two Minutes.

Our favorite part is when the mat turns into a swimming a pool and the guy’s cotton boxers show. Everyone knows you can’t compete in the Olympics with cotton boxers, brah! [Daily Motion] Luis Ayala will never drop a...

WednesdayAugust202008

'Member?: After Swimming That Long, We're Surprised She Can Hold Up That Peace Sign

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night Women’s Marathon Swimming: Russia’s Larisa Ilchenko took the first gold medal in marathon swimming, an event that makes its poor competitors swim 10 kilometers, or 6.2 miles in American. She’s cute, so we’re...

TuesdayAugust192008

Italian Fencers Say Soccer Players Got Special Treament On Plane Ride Back Home... We Say 'Duh'

The women pictured to the right are members of the Italian Olympic fencing team, and they’re showing off their new shiny medals. They picked up five for their country before heading back to Italy when their competition was over....

MondayAugust182008

Argentine Women's Soccer Players Are Latest Spanish-Speaking Group Of Olympians With "Slant-Eyes" Pics

The first time is chance. The second time is coincidence. The third time is a pattern. As the battle rages on over whether the Spanish nation’s Olympic heroes are racist for their slant-eyed shenanigans, another country whose main language...

MondayAugust182008

'Member?: The EPL Season Kicks Off With A Bang—Actually, Four—For Chelsea

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night EPL: Luiz Felipe Scolari starts his ambitious time frame for Chelsea’s take over of Man U’s crown right, as goals from Joe Cole, Deco, Nicolas Anelka and Frankie Lampard lead to a lambasting...

SaturdayAugust162008

Is Ricky Rubio Spain's Next Great NBA Import? Let's Wait Until He Can Buy A Beer To Find Out

So lost in that whole Spainish basketball unpleasantness is that the Espanoles probably have the best team in the world (while we have the best talent—yes, there is a difference). And while the media focus seems to center around...

SaturdayAugust162008

For The Good Of China, The Girls In The Opening Ceremonies Had To Strip Naked To Be Considered

Going into these games, the general consensus was that China could enhance its image during these Olympic games, despite its pervasive human rights violations. But surprisingly, each day that passes makes us think of China as even skeezier than...

FridayAugust152008

The Argentine National Soccer Team Doesn't Care About Chinese People

Hey, Argentina, you know how close you were to starting a riot yesterday? Well, not a riot, but a very stern reprimand by the soccer-mad Chinese fans who visited Beijing’s Worker’s Stadium to see your stars Lionel Messi and...

FridayAugust152008

Chinese Soccer Fans May Be Taking Their Olympic Exit A Little Too Hard

While we’re a little open to hyperbole (sue us, we’re a blog), the Chinese people have a gift for it that only years of living under Communist rule could create. That’s why amidst an exit earlier than any of...

FridayAugust152008

'Member?: Michael Phelps Awesomeness Gets Him HIs 6th Gold Medal

Olympic Men’s Swimming: On the way to the Olympics Water Cube, where he’d break his own world record in the 200m individual medley to win his 6th Gold medal as well as qualify for the 100m butterfly, Michael Phelps...

ThursdayAugust142008

Spanish Tennis Team Try And Top Racist Spanish Basketball Team Ad

Oh, Spain. How are you going to get away with this one? After photographs were revealed last week of the Spanish basketball team making derogatory gestures towards their Olympic hosts, a photo of the Spanish Tennis Team has surfaced...

ThursdayAugust142008

Dreamy Chinese Man Who Protected The Torch From Protesters Is Now The Hottest Bachelor In Beijing

A mysterious man who guarded the Olympic torch against the damn mobs of Pro-Tibet protesters has become the hottest thing in China since that monk who set himself on fire. The hunk, who has remained reclusive and anonymous in...

ThursdayAugust142008

'Member?: Nomar Garciaparra Can Hit Without Breaking His Bat Or Body Part

MLB: The Dodgers used a walk-off homer in the ninth by Nomar Garciaparra to beat the Philadelphia Phillies and tie the Diamondbacks for a share of the NL West lead. It’s nice to see Nomar do what Nomar can...

WednesdayAugust132008

Alicia Sacramone Has A Lovely Dog Named Maddie

Winchester, Mass. native and Olympic gymnast Alicia Sacramone had a really bad day yesterday, but we should absolve her of any wrongdoing because, well, she’s the girl that the entire United States loves. So, instead of disowning her for...

WednesdayAugust132008

Spain Tries To Defend Its China Ad And Fails Miserably

As much as Spain wants it to go away, the furor over “Operation: Boludos Make An Ad” won’t go away. The Spanish Olympic Committee has been forced to issue a statement denying it had anything to do with the...

WednesdayAugust132008

'Member: Mexico Finally Dives Into The Medal Column

Women’s 10-Meter Synchronized Diving: Tatiana Ortiz and Paola Espinosa, two women who didn’t get always get along, decided the guys were taking too damn long to get Mexico a medal. So they took out the US and almost beat...

TuesdayAugust122008

Olympic Gold Medalist Kosuke Kitajima Trained Using The Nintendo Wii

Japan’s Kosuke Kitajima won the gold medal in the Men’s 100m breaststroke. Great. Good for him, right? Well, when you consider that he used Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games as part of his training repertoire, you begin...

TuesdayAugust122008

Spain's Rhythmic Gymnast Almudena Cid Tostado Poses For Spanish FHM

There is definitely a surplus of beautiful women participating in the Olympics this year and the list keeps on growing today. We’re not sure where Spain’s rhythmic gymnast Almudena Cid Tostado stands when it comes to racism in her...

TuesdayAugust122008

Chinese Government Can't Let A "Flawed" Little Girl Ruin Everything At The Opening Ceremonies

We’re old enough to remember when C+C Music Factory got sued for using a hot babe in the video for “Gonna Make You Sweat” instead of the more… um… Rubenesque Martha Walsh. But that was to sell cassingles, not...

TuesdayAugust122008

The Aussies Get Dirty With Their Snaps Against England, Accuse Them Of Being Soap Dodgers

Apparently the gloves are off between nations during this edition of The Games. First we had this slight against the host Chinese by the Spaniards; then there was the French swimmers talking smack against the American before choking on...

TuesdayAugust122008

Cuban Hurdler Dayron Robles Denies He Signed Any Anti-China Petition Through His Communist Mouthpiece

When Dayron Robles of Cuba showed up to the Olympic games, he was given a shock. But it wasn’t the Beijing air or firework fakery that got the hurdler in a tizzy. Instead, it was that his name showed...

MondayAugust112008

Those Olympic Footsteps In The Sky Were LucasArts Carrying The Ceremony

Friday’s Olympic Opening Ceremony was a big deal (even if it was broadcast over 12 hours later here) . Over 32 million Americans watched that guy walking on the stadium to light the torch, had their heartstrings tugged when...

MondayAugust112008

Spain Makes Sure They Medal High In The Racist 400

It looks like the 31-point blowout the US Men’s Basketball team handed the Chinese delegation yesterday won’t be the most embarrassing thing the home bball team will face this Olympics. That honor of offense goes to the Spaniards, and...

MondayAugust112008

Bad Timing Alert—U.S. Boxer Javier Molina Finds Hole In Lungs After Losing His First Round Bout

There are a lot of stories about Olympians who fought through hardships to get to the Games, and all of them well deserved. But what if you arrived to the Games unaware there was another foe besides your boxing...

FridayAugust082008

You Guys Totally Missed The Beijing Olympics' Opening Ceremony Because You Were Asleep

It’s finally here ladies and gents. The Olympic ceremony, the one that was so hush-hush, kicked off the 2008 Beijing Olympics some time during the night when we were fighting off the effects of cheap wine and late night...

ThursdayAugust072008

Ex-Olympian Andreas Kreiger Was Once "Heidi Krieger"

It seems to be common knowledge now that the regular and consistent use of steroids is detrimental to anyone who persists on using the drug. Whether you want to shrink your testicles, grow pimples on your back, lose your...

ThursdayAugust072008

Men's Olympic Soccer Round-Up: Day One.

Group A: Argentina V Ivory Coast: Despite a ruling that clubs aren’t forced to send their players to the Olympics, Lionel Messi stepped up for his nation and started anyway. Take that, team that pays him an enormous salary!...

WednesdayAugust062008

The Dominican Republic Treats The Olympics Like The Price Is Right

When we were growing up—in between walking multiple miles to school in the snow and standing in bread lines—the main message you got from the Olympics was that these athletes were doing it for the pride of their country,...

WednesdayJuly302008

Hottie Olympians To Watch: Mexican Diver Paola Espinoza.

Paola Espinoza is heading to her second Summer Olympic Games and will compete for the Mexican National diving team. The Baja Califas residient is only 22 (Her birthday is tomorrow so send her a card will ya?), but she...

WednesdayJuly302008

FIFA Tells Barcelona "Up Your Nose With A Rubber Hose" And Allows Lionel Messi To Play In The Olympics

Barcelona—the team, not the city—must be in a pretty cranky mood today. You have to be any time you A) lose a battle with your league and B) thoughts of this happening to your most prized player while not...

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