There’s something wrong with a soccer club when they continue to justify a player’s worth by dismissing the player’s current status in exchange for marveling at his past feats. It’s like trying to pitch a movie studio a script...

It’s a gloomy day in Mexico City and this is what we found in our inbox not too long ago. This is a ghastly image we’re truly not used to from “El PhenomeNO.” Please stop him. Someone. Now. Brazilian...

We thought we were all finished with Brazilian striker Ronaldo after his transvestite incident ended last week, but word out of tabloid cellars sprung forth this weekend to reveal that Maria Beatriz Antony, the girlfriend who left Ronaldo, is...

The Ronaldo transvestite saga has officially come to a close with every one of them penis-weilding transvestites confessing that there was neither sex, nor were there drugs, involved in the escapades that ruined Ronaldo’s marketing appeal. What stands is...

We’re going to beat this Ronaldo/Transvestite story like a trance-inducing drum because a) it’s dramatic b) jelloo, it’s Ronaldo and hookers with wangs and c) this story doesn’t want to die. Ronaldo’s vehemently denied there was any sexual intercourse...

Ronaldo is trying to hide his sausage-fest for good. In an interview with Brazilian publication O Globo, Ronaldo attests that he was wrong in picking up transvestites. But, he also wants you to know he tried everything in his...

Ronaldo is in complete denial. Yesterday we reported that he was on the verge of losing his lifetime contract with Vietnamese sweatshop entrepreneur Nike because of that transvestite thing. Pained with the reality that he might be homeless and...

This lovely gal is Maria Antony Beatriz, Ronaldo’s girlfriend for the last nine months. This is what he left for transvestites. Look at her. She’s hot. The couple were first introduced July of 2007 and were reportedly meshing quite...

It was only a matter of time (like 24 hours) until the bottom fell out of Ronaldo’s escapade that involved three transvestites. Today we learned the details of the pick-up artist at work, and now we’ve got word Ronaldo’s...

Andre Luis Ribeiro Albertino, seen here with Ronaldo’s car documents, is one of the three prostitutes that the AC Milan striker solicited in Rio this weekend. After seeing this photo, we’re convinced Ronaldo’s knee-injury from February severely impaired his...

Let us honor Ronaldo’s day in the news with a record-breaking goal from the World Cup. See his expression? It’s passion rampantly running through his veins; it’s ecstasy personified; it’s a guy who owns his craft. Now he’s struggling...

We’re oblivious to the type of insurmountable shame necessary to voluntarily go to police after discovering prostitutes accompanying you have “franks and beans” stored in their panties. AC Milan’s Ronaldo (the fat one) discovered the prostitutes he hired, after...

We’ve always speculated that Brazilian legend Pele hasn’t been the biggest fan of compatriot Ronaldo. Just think, Ronaldo’s scored more endorsements, holds the title as greatest World Cup striker and he’s played on some of the biggest clubs on...

When Ronaldo went down last week, the flags went up about him joining MLS. What other league would wait for an out of shape phenom to get fit after total reconstructive knee surgery and pay him while doing so?...

Doctors from the land of fromage and Parkour reported Ronaldo’s surgery to be a “success” (if not killing him translates to success) and the Brazilian should be up and about in no time. No time, in this case, means...

The injury has been diagnosed as a severed tendon in his left knee, which basically translates into finito to his career. Ronaldo arrived in Paris today where he is to have surgery, but it’s unlikely he’ll return to the...

Three minutes. That’s how long AC Milan’s Ronaldo (the chubby, Brazilian one) was in the game yesterday against Livorno before his knee buckled underneath him and caused him to crumple to the ground like a sack of bricks, effectively...

We have to put this in perspective: Oliver Khan shares Ghengis Khan’s surname. Oliver also shared Khan’s brutality. Over the course of the 2002 World Cup, Khan allowed only one goal until the final; but a fit Ronaldo managed...

Machochip launched a measly two months ago, but we’re coming out in 2008 with a rocket stuffed in our pants. The Big Lead recently posted “What’s In and What’s Out for 2008” and we thought we could come up...

Ronaldo was spotted in Brazil this weekend livin’ la vida loca with Brazilian teammate and fellow headache Adriano. Ronaldo has been receiving treatment for a calf injury that has sidelined him for the last decade six months. The Brazilian...

Reports are circulating that alcoholic striker Adriano and fat man Ronaldo were seen partying at a pop concert in Rio this weekend. The duo were captured in photographs (which we are vehemently hunting down for your Christmas pleasure) with...

AC Milan have had it with Ronaldo’s bulging waistline and glass-man physique. The Brazilian striker hasn’t seen much playing time (only one game all season) in the Serie A this year due to lazy-itis and a malicious bout of...

The demise of the first North American Soccer League can be attributed to three major factors: Pele, Franz Beckenbauer, and that one crazed Italian, Giorgio Chinaglia. Yeah these players enticed hoards of Americanos to indulge in the “beautiful game”,...

AC Milan are keen on revamping their aging defense next year and they’ve been linked to a possible attempted luring of Real Madrid defender Sergio Ramos. Former Milan manager Arrigo Sacchi commenced the smooth-talk by comparing Ramos to legendary...

When you think “fat athlete” and “Ronaldo,” Cristiano isn’t the first one that comes to mind. But it turns out the soccer superstar is being warned by his team’s doctors that he needs to cut down on what the...

El Gordo Ronaldo (of the gap-toothed Brazilian kind) has been diagnosed with hypothyroidism. This is devastating news to us devout taunters that feel we have the right to judge his fat ass. As fans, it is our duty to...