It’s amazing how far rep gets you in soccer. Last week, when Ronaldinho played in a Venezuelan exhibition match, he showed that Ronaldo wasn’t the only soccer star who could develop a gut. But instead of shying away from...

We truly appreciate never having to wait in a long line to use the restroom. It’s one thing we can always brag about to women. Unless we’re at the Rum Jungle in Las Vegas. (We’ve never had to wait...

If there was ever a time to sell that extra kidney you’ve got just taking up room in your body, this is it. EA, the makers of the FIFA 09, have decided to make the version on each platform...

It seems like forever ago that Cristiano Ronaldo and his Portuguese pals were bounced from Euro 08. Part of that might be the onslaught of photos we’ve gotten of CR7 and his girlfriend, the lovely Ms. Nereida Gallardo, vacationing...

We once told you that half of European men told pollsters that an important game of soccer would totally override a comely lass giving up the… lovin’. Well, Spanish men kept up that train of thinkin’ this past week...

Apparently, Cristiano Ronaldo and Nereida Gallardo don’t believe in staycations. The star and his girlfriend are still on the beaches of Italy, and it seems like he’s been there as long as the Allies were during World War II....

Andrei Arshavin made himself quite a bit of cash during this past Euro 2008. Sure his Russian squad got bounced yesterday by the Spaniards, but his amazing showing during the tournament had everyone all but writing his ticket to...

People throughout the world yesterday (including our Mexico City bureau chief) needed to double up their blood pressure meds when the feed for the Germany/Turkey match went out for about fifteen minutes. And it’s not like it went blank...

Not that the Russian national soccer team needs help securing the ladies (especially the soon to be very wealthy at Chelsea Andrei Arshavin), but wealthy socialite Pyotr Listerman has made an offer to Arshavin. For every goal a team...

Refs seem to be getting a bad shake lately. If they’re not under investigation for something, they’re getting increasingly yelled at for crappy officiating. Well, Rannord A. Jones has one-upped Congress, the NBA, fans and everyone who’s been on...

Apparently no one is safe from getting robbed by roving bands of gangs in Brazil. Football’s G.O.A.T. Pele was heading out of Sao Paulo when 10 armed kids from a nearby favela overtook his car and robbed him of...

We like to spread the love around here so when we found out Quepasa.com was unveiling their new “Alianza de Futbol Hispano” online community as part of its sponsorship of “Copa Alianza,” we thought, “Hey, Machochip readers might care.”...

Wow, it looks like all the hooligan fascists hanging out in front of soccer stadiums aren’t all wannabe jerk-offs. Milivoj Asner, a 95-year-old former police chief for the Nazi-controlled Croatian government back in W-W-II and current Austrian resident, was...

Representing your country on the national sporting stage is such an honor that athletes are primed for long stretches of time, sometimes from birth, to do so. The Barbadian soccer selection committee is just hoping for upright citizens because...

We can’t stand when websites preview sporting events using video game simulators. Until real life competitors are able to use cheat codes that aren’t steroids, those are completely useless. We prefer what they did yesterday to preview today’s Germany-Austria...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night NBA Finals:The Celtics show the Lakers how to come back from 24 points down, beating LA, 97-91. They’re up 3-1 in the best of seven series and look to close out the series...

Out of all the major American sports, baseball lends itself most to being bogged down with numbers minutiae. Billy Beane, GM of the Oakland A’s, swears by the numbers and runs his team on what they tell him. But...

Chicago Tribune writer Luis Arroyave has a problem with the recently jailed Oswaldo Sanchez. Arroyave, whose Spanish isn’t so great but covers Soccer and thus has to use it, got into it with Sanchez after Mexico’s pasting of Peru....

For the mainstream fan, Guitar Hero is the best time around. Even for some of us geekier gamers who prefer the company of Master Chief in Halo, attempting to kick out an Avenged Sevenfold tune while simultaneously trying to...

So after a 4-1 drubbing at the hands of the Argentines, followed up by a 4-0 win over the Peruvians, the captain and goalkeeper of the Mexican national soccer team, Oswaldo Sanchez, didn’t know how to feel. And as...

Whatever it was that made us proud that Jozy Altidore was going to Spain and wreck shop in La Liga has taken a bit of a hit. Villareal, the team that will be paying a $10 million transfer fee...

The 2008 European Championships start this weekend, and the English soccer team has left a gaping hole on the roster of teams not making the trip to Austria and Switzerland. But looking at these pictures of English forward Peter...

As we get closer to the beginning of the Euro 2008 championships, a lot of relationships may be endangered. That’s because a new survey out says that half of men surveyed would rather watch a soccer game they deem...

There’s been another national trademark blunder in soccer. Yet, instead of singing the wrong national anthem, an Austrian souvenir shop in Vienna decided to place the wrong coat of arms on the Croatian’s national team soccer jersey. What’s the...

Evo Morales—pictured here probably in the middle of a blow-aided sprint—must be a happy man today. See, the Bolivian President/minor-league soccer player has seen the shackles FIFA threw on high-altitude teams, which includes his own national team, thrown off....

While we feel the music should have erred on the side of “Yakkity Sax” in honor of Benny Hill, we can’t hate on this video of two scantily clad ladies (or as they call them in Italy, “women”) interrupting...

Could the missing element that prevented the New England Patriots from going undefeated last season be… a soccer ball? Pats’ wide-out Wes Welker has just only introduced super-human receiver Randy Moss to his futbol-inclusive workouts that he’s used since...

We’re guessing this is about a one in a million chance. Well, maybe in Brazil it would be around a one in twelve chance of happening. They’re really touchy and grabby over there. [Unprofessional Foul] Sportswritings mogul, head honcho,...

Last time we checked, overturning goals twenty minutes after the goal took place isn’t customary protocol in most leagues. But in the Vietnamese league, there isn’t anything standard or customary when it comes to the rules. Because if you...

Imagine if NBC decided to move “The Office” because the Boston Red Sox were playing the Tokyo Giants in an exhibition game on the same night, at the same hour. The reason the Red Sox would be playing the...

An “Austrian for beginners” guidebook will be distributed during the Euro 2008 tournament this June in Vienna to soccer fans. But instead of going for simple phrases about finding the library or buying fish, the dictionary will let hooligans...

Considering we had to juggle a New York University graduation, rain, writing posts and finding our wallet under that pile of clothes we call our closet today, we think we know the kind of juggling Agustin Orion was trying...

Kobe Bryant shed a little light onto his most prevalent of influences. And the specific influence of AC Milan’s style of soccer is what became adherent to Kobe’s style of play. This is merely another indicator that basketball players...

This was taken from this weekend’s Wisla Krakow vs Legia Warsaw Polish league match. The dudes in the white shirts want to beat up the dudes in the red shirts because that’s what the dudes in the white shirts...

If last March’s U-23 Olympic soccer qualifiers in Tampa are going to be remembered for anything, it’s probably not going to be soccer. The two most intriguing stories that week were all about freedom—one woman’s desire to let her...

ESPN, the reigning tyrant of network sports, has combined forces with self-proclaimed greatest rock band that ever lived, Coldplay, for Euro 2008. We assume the combo intends to appease melancholic fans of the game, but we would’ve enjoyed a...

Just as iconic as the Loch Ness monster, and as mythical as Sasquatch, “El Maletín” in Spanish soccer is one of the most talked about myths in sports. There are stories throughout La Liga’s history of clubs such as...

There has been a terrible trend in American sports. No, we’re not talking about steroids. We’re talking about the recent rash of non-naked female streakers. Exhibit A is to the left, Ms. Tiffany May, who rushed onto a soccer...

Being a referee is a generally thankless profession. You have to keep the peace amongst athletes who are getting paid a ton more than you are and then usually get yelled at by everyone over a call you made...

When everyone says you’re possibly the successor to the greatest player that ever lived, then you might as well endorse it yourself like a boastful, conceited bastard. Frank Ribery won’t deny his greatness. And if people can’t live with...

We probably wouldn’t run this video under normal circumstances because it’s too damn long, but the fact that yesterday’s Liverpool destroyer John Riise is the first own goal culprit in this video is fucktastically priceless. However, the compiler of...

If you lead your team to a World Cup title, like Brazilian legend Romario did in 1994, you’re free to talk a little smack. But like any good junkie will tell you, be careful with the smack you decide...

Reports around the not-always-true internets are binging on the news that Scientology wizard Tom Cruise and David Beckham are in cahoots to purchase a soccer team in the not so distant future. Not to suppress excitement, but should Becks...

Whas Happened In Sports Last Night International Friendly: We love how every Mexico game in the US is a “home game.” Jesus Ramirez makes his coaching debut as interim head coach and Mexico breezes by China 1-0. [Seattle Times]...

You ever tried kicking an iron cast soccer ball? It doesn’t go far. In fact, you get a kid to run full speed towards it and unleash a furious strike and the kid flies farther than the ball. Doesn’t...

Exhibitionist voyeur extraordinaire, Spencer Tunick, has photographed hundreds of thousands of joyous nudies across the world, including a record-setting 18,000 fleshies in Mexico City. Now he’s off to Austria to photograph a few thousand more. Save the date perverts...

Mexico: the land of a beleaguered national soccer team. It’s not an enticing endeavor for a coach who’s looking for credibility and support. Take Atletico Madrid coach Javier Aguirre. He’s unequivocally denied a Mexico offer has even been set...

Soccer freestylers create their reputation through the juggling of a soccer ball in unique and diverse ways. Their notoriety as rebels is correlated with bboys in the early 80’s break-dancing on makeshift dance floors, or graffiti artists rebelling against...

The internets abuzzin with news that Barcelona talisman Ronaldinho gazing towards Italy like a Spring breaker from the States. Inter Milan were considered the front-runners for about a week now, but news updates turned up reports that AC Milan...

English soccer star Steven Gerrard’s father, Paul, has had to come to the defense of a man in England who is on trial for a robbery he says he didn’t commit. The elder Gerrard wrote a letter in defense...