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Worst. Cookbook. Ever. If You Thought Testicles Made Bad Food, How About Semen Recipes?  ||  Feature: Athletes Who Don't Make Us Want To Purge This Thanksgiving  ||  Next Year's Pirelli Calendar Is Going For A More Eco-Friendly Theme  ||  Ryanair Releases Employee Hotties Calendar for 2009 To Support Charity, Our Lust For Stewardesses
FridaySeptember122008

The New York Mets Want An MLS Team

The New York Mets have climbed the charts to the second-most-powerful-team in baseball behind their subway-series counterparts the New York Yankees. Their estimated worth is $824million, which places them in the running to purchase almost anything they want. And...

TuesdayJuly292008

Rumor Alert: Is Manny Ramirez Headed To The Mets?

Well let’s jump right into, shall we? Manny Ramirez minced no words on Sunday when he told reporters that he really didn’t care if Boston would re-sign him the following season. Of course, this means, above all, that Manny...

FridayJuly252008

Sasha Vujacic Upset No One Can Spell His Name In LA, May Leave To Europe

People would totally get Sasha Vujacic’s name right in and around Slovenia. And that’s where “The Machine” may end up. Sasha Vujacic performed better than he ever had for the Lakers this past season, so it’s peculiar that Lakers...

ThursdayApril102008

Real Madrid Try To Gorge On The World's Best Players

The one thing you always hear from the richest clubs in the world is how they can virtually envision acquiring any player they damn well please. Take Real Madrid. After a pitiful outing in the Champions League, they’ve gone...

MondayJanuary282008

Cristiano Ronaldo's Mama Wants Him In Madrid, Doesn't Care That He Shags With Sunglasses

Cristiano Ronaldo’s mom isn’t shy about weighing in on her sons’ personal life. Besides managing her sons monthly hooker budget, the lovely matriarch is trying to convince Ronaldo to exchange Manchester United Red for Real Madrid white because, well,...

ThursdayJanuary032008

Slicin' and Dicin': Chelsea FC And FC Barcelona Are Hunting

Trade Talks From Around The Globe. Today we concentrate on the biggest soccer deals about to go down. If we’re missing something, go ahead and drop us a line at tips[at]machochip[dot]com. Chelsea FC: What are Valencia’s David Villa and...

WednesdayJanuary022008

MLS Rumor Mill: Luis Figo's Declining Career Headed Down The Drain To The United States?

Luis Figo suffered a knee injury a few months back and has been out of commission for Serie A club Inter Milan. The Portuguese international is nearing 35, so his rehabilitation has been sluggish. He probably doesn’t have too...

ThursdayDecember062007

Andruw Jones Signs With The Dodgers, Will Immediately Commence Slump.

Reports on Wednesday confirmed that Atlanta Braves centerfielder Andrew Jones would no longer be rockin’ tomahawk chops. The 30 year old has signed a two year, $36 million deal with the Los Angeles Dodgers, and hopes to add a...

WednesdayDecember052007

Yankees Drop Their Bid For Twins' Pitcher Johan Santana. Wussies.

There has sure been a lot of baseball news considering the season’s been shelved since October. The latest concerns Johan Santana’s bid to be the next [blank] pitcher. That’s right. No one has made a viable move for the...

WednesdayDecember052007

What Awaits Miguel Cabrera In Detroit? Cold Ass Weather, That's What.

We posted earlier that Miguel Cabrera is about to trade a cold-blooded spearfish logo for a something in between “Tony The Tiger” and a six year old’s drawing of a tiger. The Detroit Tigers are moments away from landing...

TuesdayDecember042007

Miguel Cabrera Gets The Nod From The Detroit Tigers

Hey, remember the fat dude, a.k.a. Miguel Cabrera, we were talking about earlier today? MLB.com is reporting he’s about to be swapped by the Florida Marlins to the Detroit Tigers for six players. They threw in pitcher Dontrelle Willis...

MondayOctober292007

Alex Rodriguez Wants More Money Or Else. Oops. Too Late.

Alex Rodriguez has opted out of his insanely lucrative contract with the New York Yankees, inevitably closing the door on a historical era in the Bronx. Oh, wait, he’s just been there a few years and has never won...

TuesdayAugust282007

Inter Striker Adriano Learns That 'Loan' Translates To 'You Suck'

The translation of ‘loan’ usually means that a team doesn’t expect a player’s services to enhance their title chances. So when Inter Milan and Brazilian national team striker Adriano was linked to a move, it clearly underlined one thing:...

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